卡罗尔2015

这是一部看完2分23秒预告片就想打5星的电影。不为别的，就为最后一幕特瑞斯穿过人群目光如炬的寻着卡罗尔，而卡罗尔侧过交谈的脸望向她后，两个人远远的，相视而笑。这一幕太赋有张力，以至于看着她们的对视，我心跳都快漏了半拍，所谓美得令人窒息大抵也不过如此吧。
那一幕中特瑞斯穿过人群，穿过痛苦与成长，穿过凄凉荒漠与泥淖沼泽，定定的看着卡罗尔，继而义无反顾的走向她，也走向了自己的命运；命运的另一端卡罗尔同样望向她，眼神笃定又昧味，我知道你会来，所以我等。一眼万年。
还好不是“此刻我多想拥抱你，可惜时光之里山南水北，可惜你我中间人来人往”，还好一切都还来得及，我为这样的Happy Ending暗自庆幸。有人曾问某位女同博主，“你开这个微博是不是在说还是有人幸福的？”她回，“不是，是在说还是有人在坚持的”。同性恋题材影片的Happy Ending意义大概也在这般。

整部影片以倒叙的方式，建构于五十年代美国的大背景下，服饰、音乐、建筑、交通工具复古、优雅并透露着极简的禁欲系。片头以卡罗尔与特瑞斯最后的进餐为开始，一辆火车驶过，镜头拉到两人第一次见面的场景，特瑞斯是给卡罗尔推荐小火车模型的超市雇员，如同后面卡罗尔给特瑞斯的信中提到“Everything comes full circle”，一切恍如隔世，世间万物千回百转归于原点，犹如轮回。

1.Some people change your life forever.
凯特所饰的卡罗尔几乎满足了我对御姐的所有幻想，漂亮优雅、温柔多金、有思想会疼人，重要的是，她还分分钟向我们展示教科书级别的撩妹技能。光是性感的声线，听一句都害怕会怀孕。这样的卡罗尔，有谁能不被她吸引？于是特瑞斯在一场猝不及防的对视中与卡罗尔相遇，只因为这一眼，”Some people change your life forever.”卡罗尔故意遗落的手套，特瑞斯痴汉般盯着她忘记下单的神情，注定纠缠不清。

2.试探
卡罗尔约特瑞斯第一次午餐，她问”Did you live alone?”，这就是成熟女人的聪明之处，她不直接问你“你有男朋友吗？”她问你“你是自己一个人住吗？”年长的人，阅历将她们淬炼的懂得如何将问题说的进退自如，既不令对方难堪又能保持自己的空间。

3.What a strange girl you are,flung out of space.
卡罗尔对总是神色游离的特瑞斯说这句话，是我最喜欢的场景之一。鲁尼的笑很美，是那种不自知的美，与《龙纹身的女孩》中叛逆不羁形成鲜明对比。《龙纹身》里她是一个主动女上位007的朋克攻少女，而《卡罗尔》里她俨然成为一个无意中自带一抹娇羞的大写弱受。很多人不理解特瑞斯对卡罗尔的感情，以及频繁出现的羞赧，其实只要暗恋过的人就会知道，那是内心的小雀跃与不确定的体外表征。面对一个比自己优秀的年上，崇拜带着点暧昧，被夸奖后的惊讶跟欣喜，对她话语的揣摩跟模仿，特瑞斯不过就是年少时懵懵懂懂的自己。

4.信
特瑞斯第一次写下Carol名字的时候，我有被打动到。网络时代你见过很多温暖的小段子，而作为一个不再年轻的怪阿姨，我经历过手写信的时代尾声。那个时候，花上一整个夜晚，写一封词不达意的信，寄给一个并不在未来里的人，想象读信人的表情，期待她能感受到自己的全部情谊。Carol，写在纸上的名字，记在心里的样子。

5.你不是不会拒绝，你只是不会拒绝她
前面看特瑞斯制止了她杂志社朋友的亲吻时，并未想太多，直到后半部分监听风波过后，特瑞斯跟卡罗尔自责到，“是自己从来不懂拒绝，什么都不了解却还是什么都不拒绝”，我突然就笑了出来。特瑞斯，谁说你不懂拒绝？你拒绝了未来男同事的吻，拒绝了男友的法国邀请，拒绝了更好更圆的月亮，你只是，不拒绝她。
无力拒绝。不想拒绝。卡罗尔每次询问你”would you?”，你都不假思考毫不犹豫的回答”yes,I would”，除了最后一次，都是，毫不犹豫。第一次约饭，你愿意吗？我愿意；第一次问你愿意来我家吗？我愿意；第一次问我可以去你家吗？我愿意；第一次问，你愿意跟我一起去西部吗？我愿意。
这才是问题所在，你不是不能拒绝，你只是不想拒绝，她。

6.最好的爱情，最坏的身份
看《卡罗尔》我哭不出来，因为太真实了，反而让我时刻惊醒自己，你要抗住，这就是生活，你不能哭，不然你就输了。可以说，这是个单薄又俗气的故事，女人跟女人的感情本来就细腻无比，表演的过了容易显得用力过猛，表演的清浅又让感情看上去太羸弱，所以，几乎是凯特女王跟鲁尼的演技和内心戏撑起了整部电影。
鲁尼的表现让我惊讶，甚至比女王更动人，在从卡罗尔家里出来坐火车回住处的一幕戏中，她倔强的眼泪从脸上掉下来，我心里也跟着落泪。那是要多委屈，才能击垮对卡罗尔的迁就，我喜欢你，你也处处暗示对我有好感，你约我到你家却意外撞上你的丈夫，他的责问你的冷淡，迫使我就这样狼狈而逃。刚刚我还弹奏潜藏表白的钢琴曲，下一秒就被你挥之即去，我到底算什么？你到底喜欢我吗？还是无聊寂寞时的消遣？
特瑞斯怀揣着最好的爱情，却背负着最坏的身份。

7.什么是道德？
在禁止卡罗尔见她女儿的强制令中，提到的理由是，Morality.看到Carol提到Abbey恍然大悟又欲言又止的时候，我默默骂了句fuck,甚至我想到余虹在《颐和园》里讲的，“什么是道德？两个人在一起才是道德”。我为卡罗尔跟特瑞斯难过，也为Abbey难过，因为在世俗的观念中，爱与道德竟然是不相容的，这真是讽刺。那是五十年代的美国，又何止是五十年代的美国，那不就是现在的世界吗。有的人永远不明白，欺骗自己才是最大的不道德。

8.I fell useless.
这是特瑞斯在卡罗尔告诉她，自己在强制令下无法看望女儿时所说的话。之所以对这句话印象深刻，是因为这似乎是同性群体中最普遍的无力感，“我觉得自己很没用”。我既没有能力为你分担艰辛，又找不到方法令你舒展愁容，看起来陪伴是唯一能做的事情，也有文艺的话来相称“陪伴是最长情的告白”。
可是，我并不只想陪伴你。
我想在你丈夫质问你时挺身而出，告诉他我们是因为相互喜欢而认识；我想同你一起争夺回监护孩子的权力，一起打扮世界上最好看的圣诞树；我想带你逃离世俗的社会，在你说my angle之前吻上你。我想的很多，可是，我一件都做不到，我甚至无法以家人的身份在你的手术单上签字，这是我最难过而无力的地方。

9.偷来的时光
床戏拍的美的不多，《卡罗尔》要算一个。美不是色情，不是你想跟她做爱，而是除了她们两个，你觉得谁跟她们做爱都显得不美好。《卡罗尔》的床戏时间不长，也不激烈，可是你看的时候就会觉得暗涌流动，你会不忍心联想污秽。凯特的淡然自若，鲁尼的紧张颤抖，卡罗尔霸道的索取，特瑞斯默默的承受，轻车熟路的年上，红到耳根的年下，缓慢又炽热，相拥又绝望。那一刻我甚至怀疑她们在戏外是不是相爱的。
很少有这样的床戏，让人看的难过。她们迫切的将自己献给对方，她们知道前路无望而漫长，好像在一起的一小段时光都是偷来的，总是要还回去。所以离别前与卡罗尔亲近的特瑞斯，眼睛里挤满了沉默的悲伤，我担心她就想这样死在卡罗尔的怀里。其实一切，她是有预感的。

10.抱得上一晚，撑不过一生
发现被监听往回赶的路上，特瑞斯坐在副驾驶上哭着自责，她说自己应该拒绝的，她怨自己什么都不懂就什么都接受。卡罗尔停下车，抱着她，吻她，帮她擦眼泪，轻声说”I took what you give willingly”.听到这句话，我难过到想流泪，“我想要的你可能全给不了，可是你愿意给的那一点，我都想要”，她们彼此给予，却又暗自担忧因自己给对方带来的麻烦。悲情两难。
特瑞斯从小是独立长大的，从她干脆的语调也能感觉出，她并不软弱，或许是鲁尼本身的特质，特瑞斯给人的感觉近乎是强硬，可是，只有面对卡罗尔的时候，她整个人才会软下来，成为一个需要呵护渴望宠爱的小女孩，这里面或多或少有对卡罗尔的依赖。我愿意相信她懂”I took what you give willingly”.
最后卡罗尔还是走了，为了回去争夺女儿的监护权，像及了一个事后跑路的段数，然后前女友来收拾与现女友的残局，留下一封既渣又深情的信。包在被子里的特瑞斯如同被抛弃的小白兔，无辜的感受着昨晚的温存，揽入怀中的一晚，却还是撑不过一生。

11.原谅我不能陪你长大
“you seek resolutions and explanations because you’re young”.我没想到卡罗尔的信中会有这样一句，看起来如此狠心。明明是你主动撩骚，最后却让人家小姑娘自己去找解决的方法跟解释，就是因为她年轻。突然的就想起看到的一句话，“珍爱生命，远离人妻”，对于这种有备胎和下家的人，敬而远之是上策。可是就在后面她哑着嗓子对Abbey说”I should tell Therese ,wait”时，我内心隐隐作痛的替特瑞斯原谅了她。
她不是不想陪你长大，只是有更重要的人需要她。是，孩子。无论如何，让一位母亲处于选择自己孩子跟爱人两难的位置上，都过于残忍。
于是，她选择让特瑞斯独自成长，即使特瑞斯怀有误解与怨恨，也不多解释一句，只是说”I release you”,她在等待，等你长大，等以后成熟的时机，再共你促膝把酒。

12.I miss you,I miss you.
特瑞斯在暗房里洗过去的照片，一张张都是关于卡罗尔。照片上的人慵懒妩媚，照片外的人情欲暗动，她走出去拿起电话又放下，又拿起来，拨通。她叫她的名字，”Carol”,电话那边的她手指徘徊在挂断的按钮处，煎熬无比，最后，挂断。特瑞斯对着忙音说，I miss you,I miss you.
连想念你，我都无法说给你听。两个人的隐忍、克制与轰轰烈烈。

13.不是我们不美好，是这个世界太丑陋
这并不是一部冲突不断的片子，以至于无法令人血脉喷张、震惊无比，即便节奏因为电影的时长看上去有些赶，但故事情节发展及其缓慢的，卡罗尔与他丈夫最后的谈判，大概是影片唯一引爆点。可是连这个场面，都被拍成是一种被压抑着的感觉，没有撕破嘴脸。
这一段凯特的演技着实让我大为感叹不愧是女王。发颤的声音、隐忍的表情，你会担心下一秒她就要崩溃了，就要歇斯底里了，就要咒骂整个世界了，但是，她没有。哪怕内心早已腥风血雨，表面还是死死的绷着，绷着自己的尊严与优雅，绷着对特瑞斯的直视与无悔，穿上外套，离开身后的卑鄙与肮脏。
在离开之前她说了这样一句话，”and it will get ugly,we’re not ugly people”。这句令我异常难过，想到《奇葩说》里蔡康永第一次失态痛哭的场景，好像一个委屈的孩子在恳求这个世界的包容，他说“我们不是妖怪”。为什么要世人包容呢？如若是正常，如若是平等，为什么要别人去包容，包容给人一种高高在上的感觉。卡罗尔的丈夫用了无比卑劣的手段去偷窥她们隐私，而卡罗尔最后却说”we’re not ugly people”.她对人性还抱有一丝希望，她希望大家不用凶神恶煞的以丑陋嘴脸相见，她希望这个世界是美好的。

14.你不在的日子，我兀自成长
是不是所有人都有一种高估自己的倾向，愿意看到别人的失落或欢欣都是因为自己？卡罗尔濒临崩溃的谈判过后约特瑞斯一起吃饭，这时的特瑞斯已经是某著名杂志的摄影师，小文青实现了自己的梦想。卡罗尔说，“我觉得你长大了，现在变得特别好”，停顿一秒问，“是因为离开我吗？”
看到这里我忍不住笑，天呐，为什么人们总是心知肚明却还是想要听别人亲口承认。
然而特瑞斯跟我预想的一样，急切又坚定的回答，NO.我又忍不住笑出来，女人之间的较量总是这样，看似不着边际，却又毫厘不差的暗自博弈。你当初狠心的离开了，那要我怎样？我只能兀自成长，我不是自愿的，我也想有你时刻在旁为我安抚保我周全，可是是你逼我要自己长大的，你说release，如今你又跑来问我，是不是因为你？
不，我偏不让你得逞，我就不承认一切都是因为你，痛苦因为你欢愉因为你颓废因为你成长因为你变好因为你，尽管一切与你有关，如今我却不想再轻易交出自己。“难道 这次抱紧就不会落空？”
而且我这次不仅不想承认是因为你，我还要拒绝你。即使你表达说，“我离婚了，孩子归丈夫，我在美国最贵房价的地方有一套大房子，你愿意搬来跟我一起住吗？Would you?”停顿五秒，”I love you”.（这样的表白，哪个妹子不脱光了跟她走...）
“No,I don’t think so”.特瑞斯学会了拒绝她。
我想，卡罗尔内心当时也是崩溃的，“我自己养成的花竟然在我不在的日子学会了拒绝我，让我冷静冷静”。但是，御姐总是有这样的本事，她深知特瑞斯的拒绝不是因为不爱她，而是小姑娘长大了，有自己的骄傲了，她不愿被呼之则来挥之即去，她想要平等的交往。
于是，她退一步。她吃定了特瑞斯心里有她。

15.我知道你在等我，所以我去寻你
这场电影规避了尽可能的人，只留下几个必须出现的角色，这就太考验演员的演技功力了。而鲁尼在这部影片中，丝毫不逊色于凯特，甚至在我心中，鲁尼更为真实出色那么一些（她演完真的不会弯吗...）尤其是最后几慕戏中，鲁尼的表现惊为天人。
卡罗尔在用餐时与她的对视，鲁尼复杂的眼神，因为深呼吸引起前胸轻微的起伏，欲拒还迎，欲迎还拒的拿捏，倔强又骄傲。（大魔王竟然忍住没有强吻上去...）
最后一幕，特瑞斯穿过人群眼光寻找着卡罗尔，当她发现卡罗尔坐在被环绕的桌子后面时，特瑞斯眼神中是闪过那么几秒犹豫的，她停下来，也许是在回想过去，也许是在担心未来，可是也只有那么几秒，她还是义无反顾的走向了卡罗尔，走向了自己的命运。
而看到她的卡罗尔，并未显得多么惊讶，而是望向她，笑的意味深长。
“我知道你会来，所以我等”
“我知道你在等我，所以我去寻你”
没有谁更技高一筹，也没有谁更毅然笃定。

16.所谓视角转换
从电影一开始，卡罗尔就是处于被仰视的角度，主动权一直握在她手里；而特瑞斯就是个孩子，对她充满了仰慕和崇拜，被动的接受着。她们之间是不平等的。不仅是阶级身份地位，更多的是精神上的差距。
但这些差距在慢慢被化解。
特瑞斯的拒绝、穿着、工作、思想，无一不显示了这些差距的缩小，小姑娘也有长大的时候，这种平等，是两个人接下来交往的前提，卡罗尔是先知的，所以她在离开的时候信中才写“当那天到来时，我希望你能想象我会在那里，迎接你，我们的生命将在那里交汇，如同永恒的日出。但是在那之前，我们之间不能有任何联系，我需要做很多的事情，而你，我亲爱的，你需要做的更多...而我唯一能做的就是放手让你走”。
很多人看到这里会说卡罗尔渣，可是，这正是一个成熟女人深思熟虑后的决定，她在逼迫特瑞斯长大。而特瑞斯做到了。

17.两次凝望
第一次是卡罗尔坐在车里，望着走在街上的特瑞斯，想喊住她又不能，只有看她消失在自己的视野之中还没有回过头。凯特完美的在无声之中表现出卡罗尔内心的纠结与不忍，但又必须克制自己冲动的感情。第二次是特瑞斯拒绝卡罗尔后，她坐在朋友的车里，看着卡罗尔走在街上，“你看，我终于学会了拒绝你，可是为什么会这么难过？你在想什么？也会这样难过吗？”

其实，这部电影很像御姐一手将小朋友调教好的养成记。所谓御姐，并不只是有钱有颜，最重要的是她们思想独立，有自己站立在这个世界的坐标系和判断事物价值的独特方式，她们还聪明，恰到好处的世故和足够多的安全感，跟她们在一起会感到舒服。有人说，跟年纪大的人相处，像是在挖掘一座宝藏，每天都有新的惊喜，总有很多你不知道的事；跟年纪小的人相处，像种花，可以看到她们每一天的变化。卡罗尔跟特瑞斯就是这样的搭配，真是令人欢喜。
还有，这是一部每一帧都令人想落泪的电影，可是它又克制到让你觉得眼泪似乎不是那么优雅，而我，真的被这种让人哭不出来的浪漫给深深打动。

[img=1:C]微信公众号：badcode
可能几百年不说话，也可能话痨。[/img]

这是一篇迟到了3个多月的观后感。即使那时所能看到的还只是枪版渣画质，《卡罗尔》一样轻松从第一个跟拍的长镜头就击中我。当它描绘了爱，就有爱。接下来的三个月，等着蓝光版的同时一遍遍循环原声，看完了原著小说。

它是会被一直放在心里惦记着的电影，是一小块柔软。就好像一月初的时候有天一个人走在热带午后的阳光下，《Opening》的提琴声又响起，瞬间清凉静默，揪心感堪比《Summer Palace》里的《Solo Por Tu Amor》，都是面对时屏息凝气的河流。听着它，只想要弯腰蹲下。

若说它是部缠绵悱恻的电影，不如说无疑更近乎艺术上的灵感。它伸出温柔的手揪住你的心，用嘴唇碰着耳垂低语，它与你无条件的亲密。

这是一个旁若无人的故事，其他角色都被淡去（即使在原著小说中有着完整的表述），只有两个人的深深凝视。看了几遍，始终觉得存在着一个 什么 ，却没法说出。直到想起村上春树的《斯普特尼克恋人》才明白。

在《卡罗尔》里，作为观众的我一直为“自己“的缺失而稍觉遗憾。这段感情太完美，细节和角色都丰富到不再有可补充的想象空间，甚至容不下观众自然而然的代入感。应该存在一个第三人的视角，亲密又观望这两人的视角，让由眼神和温度组成的密度爱情有梯可攀，成为固体的现实效用。

斯普特尼克，村上君说它在俄语里是 traveling companion 的意思——‘旅伴’。孤独的炽烈的卫星旅伴。同样讲年轻女孩对年长女人的爱恋，暮色中摇曳着及膝白裙走下石阶的敏，与目光如炬优雅魅惑的卡罗尔。苦于写不出作品的写作者堇与不会拍人像的摄影师特芮丝。相同的旅行经历与相似的错失。村上的清爽与托德·海因斯的粘稠，长茎植物与阴雨天气。

《斯普特尼克恋人》中第一人称的“我”，正是这样的存在。对堇怀有深深的爱恋，确认因为她而扩展了所属世界的外沿，被她所信赖，却不对作为男性的“我”怀有兴趣。“我”是堇与敏感情的唯一知情者，甚至比两人还要知晓其中含蕴。（当然也是小说心理描述的主要依托者）。因为有“我”这一完整的形象，《斯普特尼克恋人》得以从另一较为冷静视角叙事，“我”是读者进入作品时的栖身之所，也是所能到达的最近距离。于是那时看完小说我说：“觉得自己偶尔是堇，更多时候是’我’，但从来不是敏。”

也是因为有了《斯普特尼克恋人》文字的准确描写，才可以将《卡罗尔》中的情感成字成句。甚至，这样的对比较电影改编与原著小说的对比更加有趣。因为它不仅仅是情节对照，更多是情绪共鸣。

初次约会吃饭，特芮丝要服务生照着卡罗尔点的餐给自己也上一份。堇也是如此，学敏的样子拿起酒杯小心翼翼啜一口葡萄酒。

卡罗尔对特芮丝说：“What a strange girl you are, flung out of space. ”堇对敏说：“这以前，我一次也没考虑过要成为自己以外的什么人。但现在有时很想成为你那样的人。”

《斯普特尼克恋人》里讲“我”质疑堇对敏的感情：

我开口道：“你在敏身上感觉到的是性欲这点不会有错？” “百分之百没错。”堇说，“一到她面前，耳朵里的骨头就咔咔作响，像用薄贝壳做的风铃。而且有一股想被她紧紧搂抱的欲望，想把一切都交付给她。如果说这不是性欲的话， 我血管里流淌的就是番茄汁。”

以此再看特芮丝的从不拒绝和抿着嘴的坚定神情，便总在幻想她此时耳朵里的声音。

还有一处，原著里写到特芮丝意识到自己的变化。变胖了一些，但是脸庞越来越小，，她感到高兴，为自己越来越成熟。村上的写法是：

“最近的你，一次见面一个样，越来越难认了。”我说。
“正赶上那种时期。”她用吸管吸着果汁，像说与己无关的事。

女王自不必说，每一个细节都性感得让人动弹不得（尤其是对妹子们来说），鲁妮·玛拉的表演也有着文学性的优美。在副驾偷偷打量卡罗尔时眼中的惊喜，对坐要给卡罗尔拍照时边撒娇边不自觉的一跃，卡罗尔走后下车奔向路边呕吐。还有每一个痴迷的眼神。

不得不说到两个人的床戏，看时全部的观感都是感动。唯如此，这段感情才是完整的。村上这样写堇与敏：

敏不知如何回答，正犹豫着，堇已伸出手，握住她的手。手心也有汗感。手暖融融软乎乎的。随后，堇双手拢住敏的背，乳房贴在敏腹部偏上一点儿的位置，脸颊放在敏双乳之间。两人长时间以如此姿势躺着。这工夫，堇的身体开始微微颤抖。敏以为堇要哭，但似乎哭不出。她把手绕到堇肩上，搂近一些。还是孩子，敏心想，又孤单又害怕，渴望别人的温存，像紧紧趴在松树枝上的小猫一样。
堇把身体往上蹭了蹭，鼻尖触在敏脖颈上。两人乳房相碰。敏咽下口腔里的唾液。堇的手在她背部摸来摸去。
“喜欢你。”堇小声细气地说。
“我也喜欢你的。”敏说。此外她不晓得怎么说好，而且这也是实话。

与卡罗尔所说的“My angel, flung out of space. ”功效完全一致。

村上容易写情感的退潮或者说是冷静，每当这时，故事就退居到迫切想同自己的汹涌欲望单独相守的“我”。在对琐事的不厌其烦的细致描写中完成自我建设。即使有时结论仍是“我是多么的需要堇。”这在《卡罗尔》里面被表现得很淡。托德·海因斯的情感退潮，是隔着玻璃、镜头、人群、画外等介质，脱离空间存在感的疏离。此时的特芮丝更像经过了一场高烧后的清醒。

不管是在新的一天起身归拢这颗以孤独为养料运转的行星的残片，还是特芮丝脚步踉跄的穿过人群走向卡罗尔。就算哪里也抵达不了，凝视也可以终身陪伴。

原文发在weibo。做了很细小的调整。发到这边。

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下午在电影院三刷完Carol，想来是时候好好的再写一篇影评了。而且是一篇Carol视角的影评。大概是看了太多人一边说着Carol实力撩妹，膝盖拿走，一边碎碎念着她是个渣攻。又或者大批的迷妹们一边被小白兔水汪汪迷恋的眼神感动的一塌糊涂，一边又抱怨着不知道Carol爱Therese啥，或批判着Cate过分刻意的演技。然而就像Cate说过的，电影的目的不是说教，而是激发你的情绪，思考，感官。所以我无意批判他人的观点，这是想从我的角度出发，聊一聊Carol到底为什么爱，怎么爱，又爱的多深。

很多人说，Carol不过是Les版的霸道总裁爱上我。但是，不管从什么程度上来说，Therese都不符合那些霸道总裁文里的傻白甜女主设定。人家不傻不白，老实说也不甜。而这些恰恰是Carol喜欢她的地方，也恰恰是Therese被形容为flung out of the space的原因。她年轻，没什么历练，第一次和Carol约会各种紧张显而易见。但是比起50年代的大多数传统女性对于自己的定位：嫁人，成为某某人的妻子，Therese不愿意。Therese不愿把自己定位在某某人女朋友，某某人妻子这样的角色上，她只想成为她自己，至于自己是怎么样，她一直在寻找。而这种不依附与他人（特别是男人）的自我认定也是这部剧里三位女主最相似，或者最有共鸣的地方。

1. Therese: 和Richard第一次吵架的起因是，Therese决定继续往摄影师方向努力，于是告诉Richard自己想要整理一下她的摄影集。然而Richard完全不care，直接打断，转了话题。而摄影师是Therese对于自己的定位之一（而不只是在商场卖娃娃）

2. Carol：Harge第一次出场时，他邀请Carol去某个party，他说：xxx的妻子邀请你…还没说完就被Carol打断，说：是Janette，xxx的妻子叫Janette。这里充分表现Carol多么反感用xxx的妻子来描述一个人。

3. Abby：Harge圣诞节闯到Abby家要人，说Carol不在家，不和自己一起，就一定和Abby一起。Abby说，是啊，你花了十年时间确保Carol的一切都是关于你。这里也表达的Abby是多么反感这种将禁锢在丈夫身边的婚姻。

4. Therese+Carol：Therese第一次去Carol家，被问到是否做摄影师。当时Therese的回答不是太有自信。但是Carol说，既然你想要，那么就去做，去努力，不用去怀疑自己的天赋。
说了那么多电影的细节，我想表达的就是，没错Carol和Therese来自完全不同的背景，有着完全不同的人生经历，但是，其实他们的自我认定是极为相似的。这不正是成为伴侣最基本的条件之一嘛。

虽然尽管如此，我也承认，和Therese不同，Carol最开始并非一见钟情，甚至有些调戏的意味在。这也就和不少人说的“Cate前半段的举手投足都看得出可刻意，后半段才发挥好 （从weibo上抄的原话）”搭上了。因为刻意的不是Cate，而是Carol。这种刻意也随着Carol自己的越陷越深慢慢消失殆尽。没错，最开始，从初遇，到第一次午餐，到送礼物，Carol的每一个眼神，撩头发的动作，居高临下俯视的姿态，都是一种刻意的调戏与勾搭。她喜欢Therese，并且一眼看出这孩子对她的痴迷，她甚至知道，自己不用全力以赴，就能得到Therese的欢心。Cate用精妙的演技表达出了Carol最初的那种带着强烈挑衅意味的漫不经心。最好的演技大概就是用来演一个演技有些差的人吧。但是是什么时候，这种漫不经心，这种刻意消失了？是在电话里说“ask, me, things”的时候？Therese送唱片的地方？还是两人试香水的暧昧桥段？又或是到最后的亲吻？又或者当时霸道的把新相机+胶卷丢在人家家门口的时候，已经不再是游戏了？老实说，我不知道，也许Carol也不知道。对Carol来说，当她明白过来时，才发现不知道哪一刻起，她不再只是单纯的想要调情，她对Therese的宠溺不再只是捕猎前的诱饵，收到礼物时的欣喜，和她一起时的快乐，都是那么真实，而非最初时那般拙劣的演技。但这才是真正的爱情不是吗？爱上就爱上了，又有哪段爱恋可以清楚的列下一二三的呢。而这种从有好感，调戏勾引，到最后的沦陷的过程，被导演，编剧，演员衔接的近乎完美。也就是为什么，这部看似情节简单的电影，却被誉为年度最佳之一。它把爱这种抽象的情绪，用镜头，用简单的日常生活，用眼神，用那些藏在只言片语里没来得及说出口的话，表达的清清楚楚。

然后就要来说，Carol到底多爱Therese。Cate在一个采访中提到的Carol的爱。我觉得总结的非常好。简单来说就是，因为年龄，Carol比Therese更有经验。爱是什么感觉，和同性相爱时什么感觉，这种爱的风险，后果是什么，作为母亲的感情等等，Carol清清楚楚。这些其实都是包袱。相比较而言，Therese就像每一个曾经的我们（这也是为什么我们这么容易在Therese身上找到自己），年轻，没有任何包袱，因为不知道为爱受伤的痛楚，所以可以全力以赴去爱。但是Carol是在背负这些所有的后果，了解了这些所有的得失之后，还是义无反顾的跳了进去。就像两人面前其实都是同样一份爱，而对于Therese，她看到是一条道路，以及道路尽头的Carol。她不知道自己能否触及，于是全力以赴的往前奔跑。而对于Carol，她面对的是一座悬崖，以及悬崖对面的Therese。在爱面前，她甚至失去的选择的能力。奋不顾身是她必然的结果。Carol为这份爱所赌上的是她的所有：家人，孩子，自尊。然而在最后的“I love you" 里。她失去了一切。

Carol本人又是骄傲的，在公开场合，她的头永远是略微向上抬的，导致她在和别人对话时总有种居高临下的姿态。但对于Therese，Carol爱的也许没那么自信。我们曾经玩笑的说，整部片子大概就是由无数个“would you”+ “Yes”组成的。但是你也许没注意到，每次Carol在向Therese提出各种要求或者邀请的时候，她的目光都是向下的，而非直视。这种不自信在两人回到NY后，Carol最后一次约Therese出来时，表现的更加明显。有意思的是，她在发出约会邀请时，那封信的开头依然是那么直截了当的“would you”，但和之前所有的见面，约会不同，这一次她早到了。镜头里的她打完电话，还是那么看似从容高傲的离开电话亭。转身看到正在入座的Therese。座位上Carol的大衣暗示着她早早就到了。所以当时Carol的表情应该是一个大写的“松了一个口气”吧。之后饭桌上对谈的每一个细节大概都是我对这部电影的最爱。但是不跑题，聊回最后一次的“would you”。和之前一样，这一次在她在描述新房子，以及发出邀请时，她眼神统统是往下的。更明显的是，她略微的语无论次，以及怕被人拒绝时最常用的一招，先把自己给拒绝了（I was hoping you might like to come and live with me, but I guess you won't.）。当得到拒绝的答复时，Carol发出了第二个补救的邀请。邀请她参加自己的聚会。而这一段邀请里，我看到的是Carol急促的呼吸声，闪烁的言辞，想微笑却只是微微扯动的嘴角，以及那快要哭出来的眼神。她不是在邀请，而是在绝望的乞求（顺便插一句，比起在律师办公室情绪爆棚的那一幕，这里隐藏在完美无瑕看似若无其事背后的崩塌才是Cate真正秀演技的时候）。当面对沉默时，Carol的那句That's that里，她已经放弃了。所以我不觉得最后那句I love you是为了让Therese重新考虑而增加的筹码，或者在无计可施后抛出的最后一击。这句话之所以这么震耳欲聋是因为，当Carol来见Therese前，她已经放下所有，抛弃了过去的自己（孩子留给了前夫，房子卖了，开始工作），她把所有的底牌都摊在Therese面前，这场赌博，Carol并没有给自己留后路，对Therese的爱是她所有赌注，以及现在的她所唯一拥有的。所以那一句I love you是她在认定自己输了之后，把自己唯一剩下的那份爱，那份赌注，也放下，交给了Therese。也就是为什么Cate不止一次提到说，她觉得，如果Therese没有回心转意，Carol的结局也许会是自杀（虽然理性看来，Carol的人设并不至于会使她走到这步）。因为离开餐桌时的Carol，不管她掩饰的多好（和Jack打招呼以及告别时从容），她是一无所剩的。

Carol最被人诟病的大概就是当初抛下Therese，从而得到“渣攻”的美誉。于是作为强迫症的我，必须要来说下，为什么Carol所做的正如她信里说的那样：她愿意去做任何事来换取Therese的幸福，而她当下她唯一能做的就是放手。当时Carol的选择并不多。我脑洞也不大，感觉比较合理的就下面几种：

1. 无视Harge的威胁。继续和Therese一起。这样结果是直接了当的：立刻失去Rindy，并且不可能有任何缓和的余地。母亲爱自己的孩子是天性。在Therese出现之前，Rindy是她的全部。如果Carol可以头也不回，就这么放弃Rindy的话，我不觉得她有能力好好爱Therese。

2. 一边处理和Harge的官司，一边继续偷偷和Therese一起。也许有些人觉得这是正确的选择，但是不管在哪个年代，在阴影下的爱恋永远是对双方的慢性自杀。这样和把Therese当作见不得人的情妇有什么区别。就像Carol信里说的，Therese还年轻，她的面前有无限可能，Carol若只是为了两人一起，而把这段关系不死不活的拖着，才是真的自私，不顾Therese。

3. 原剧情走向。事发之后，Carol从来没有怪过Therese。而我很喜欢那场Carol在车里安慰Therese的戏。尽管有着无限的温柔。她并没有把Therese当作小孩，或者傻白甜那么哄着。在Carol心里，两人的关系是对等的，所以她不需要用甜言蜜语去平复，只需认真的陈述这事实：“I took what you gave willingly, it's not your fault.” 而在我看来这句话也是很含蓄的告白。你爱我，我全然接受，因为我也爱你。这不是你的错。分离的伤痛对于Carol同样是致命的。而她同时还要面对伤害Therese所带来的负罪感，以及失去女儿后生活的无望。最重要的是，她不像Therese那么年轻，一切可以从头来过。然而，两人关系走到这步，Carol毫无怨言。她爱的很坦荡，哪怕面对律师与前夫，她也绝不把Therese当作一段不堪的过去。而再次出现在Therese面前向她发出邀请的Carol，是一个虽然有些破碎，但是准备好了的Carol。没有藕断丝连的过去，没有恼人的犹豫不决，干净利落把爱摊放在Therese面前。也是这样的爱和坦荡，让我觉得，她配得Therese所有的一往情深，以及每一句的“yes”。

最后，愿所有的Therese都能遇到那个Carol。而如果你有幸是那个Carol的话，也请你可以勇敢温柔对待那个对你一往情深的Therese。

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屁话那么多，结束前还是要感谢所有的主创带来这么精彩的作品。整部作品从原作，编剧，女主，制作人，场景设计，服装设计都是女性，而导演是妇女之友Todd。这样的成果才能让优秀的女性电影有更多的机会。所以与其吵吵嚷嚷着个人奖项，我更希望电影本身可以拿一些BP的奖项，以及Box Office可以有好看的数字（对不起，我就是这么肤浅！和你魔一样，一切朝钱看！！！）

严重剧透。






上个月在纽约电影节看了《卡罗尔》，至今无法从那种情绪中抽离出来，每每想到其中几个情节，就惆怅不已。

主演大家都知道了，Cate Blanchett和Rooney Mara。戛纳电影节的时候就被炒得火热，Rooney Mara还凭此拿了金棕榈最佳女演员奖。

片子是讲同性爱情的，人物设置和《蓝宇》有些非常相似：两个年龄、阅历、财富都不在一个段位上的人相遇，擦出火花，然后相爱，分离。当然了，大的那个，世俗牵绊总是多些，小的那个，眼神更让人心疼，也更深情些，仿佛就是为了告诉人们：爱情真他妈的是不公平。

好的是，最后，爱情总是能找回它来时的路。

记得《蓝宇》的后半部分，胡军出狱，和刘烨在北京的某个公园里坐着唱歌。那是在冬天拍摄的，两张覆盖着哈气的脸，令人落泪的劫难后相依为命之感——可最后结局太惨，我久久不能忘怀，甚至会想，就让影片结束在唱歌之处不好吗？

《卡罗尔》弥补了这个遗憾，它结束在列车刚刚驶出隧道重见光明的那一刻，停在了两个人找回彼此的地方。我每次回想起结局，Rooney试探、寻找、坚定地望向Cate的眼神，Cate终于发现她后，庆幸、释然、同样坚定的笑，都不由得深吸一口气......啊，对，这就是爱了。

直女看这部电影，根本不会意识到这是一部同性片，反而会因为两个女性角色而可以把自己代入到任何一方，然后深深沦陷。至于直男，好像并没有同样感受，据一起看电影的朋友说......

所以这部电影上映之后我一定要去再看一遍！大家也一定要看啊！虽然我就要剧透了啊！

影片开头是两位女主在吃饭时，被一个充满傻逼气质的男性打断，于是分开，但小姑娘显然坐在车里心神不宁，一直在回味女王。

然后故事就闪回到了两人初见的时候。

Cate就是Carol, 一位住在New Jersey的中产阶级富婆，在圣诞节前夕来到百货商场给女儿买圣诞礼物，从而遇见了Therese, 也就是Rooney的角色，一位一看就气质脱俗将来要进The New York Times 当摄影记者的百货公司售货员。

电闪雷鸣，看对眼了，Carol鬼使神差地给自己的女孩买了Therese说自己小时候最喜欢的火车模型，（可怜的女儿）然后有意无意地把手套落在了柜台，就如同高富帅总是会随意乱放钱包。

这时故事交代了两个人的感情状态，Carol有个非常疼爱的小女儿Wendy，但是对丈夫非常冷淡，在办理离婚；Therese有男票，还要娶她，也不缺乏来自The New York Times记者的追求，搞不好还是哥大J School毕业的，不过她当然没同意，可能因为记者太穷了实在。

Therese寄回了Carol的手套，并接到了对方的感谢电话，被邀请共进午餐。这场午餐就是两人第一次有张力的对手戏了，对于Carol的每一次flirt，根本接不住的小白兔要不就老老实实地认乖，要不就软软地打回去，以至于女王说周日来我家玩吧的时候，迫不及待地就说好啊好啊。

小白兔第一次去女王家玩的时候，拿上了自己的相机，拍下了女王买圣诞树的场面。当天晚上，气氛正浓，好巧不巧女王老公来了，还和女王大吵一架，这里有一个很值得注意的镜头：Therese听着窗外两人吵架的声音，把室内收音机或者唱片（记不清了）的声音调大了。

吵完架后，女王心情也不好，就让Therese自己坐火车回家了，小白兔在回去的火车上还哭了，然而在回家接到女王道歉电话时，还是分分钟原谅。（陷入爱情的人类啊。）

接下来的剧情发展就没什么新意了，总之就是慢慢地好上了，并在一起公路旅行的时候为观众奉献了一场精彩的床戏。其中，不得不提女王霸气的圣诞礼物赠送方式，买了新款的佳能相机，敲门，把盒子放在地上，等开门，把盒子踢进去，"圣诞快乐"。 哎，追我我也沦陷。

催泪的部分总是从事情变坏开始。Carol和Therese的事情被Carol的丈夫雇佣的私家侦探录下来了，丈夫以此威胁她。为了女儿，Carol离开了。

分开后，Therese心碎成渣，中间还给Carol打过一次电话，说I miss you, 被Carol挂断了，此处给了Carol的手一个按掉电话的特写，让我第一次泪奔了。

接下来就是重头戏的结尾啦！

两位女主很久后，没什么联系，连哥大JSchool都没上过的Therese进了The New York Times（好吧我就是忍不住要黑哈哈哈），Carol与生活妥协，为争夺孩子的监护权与前夫打官司。

一次Carol在坐车去律师所（不确定，总之是调停地点）的路上看见了走在街上的Therese，我觉得她的想法就是在那瞬间发生了转折，因为人在与所爱之人分隔许久再重逢时，总是很容易失去理智。

她选择了放弃，并愤怒地跟前夫进行了一番陈词，其中有一句印象很深，大概是说The most breathtaking gift we gave each other is Wendy. (their daughter)，当时心想：这句不错，学了，但要做甜言蜜语使。然后又说了大概是监护权我不要了让给你，不过你必须让我见孩子，不然咱们就法庭见吧，不过那样我们就会变得ugly, but we are not ugly people.

总之言之，她放弃了，在偶然见到了一次Therese之后，她就放弃了争夺监护权。

之后女王就出演了本剧中最没骨气的一幕，约了Therese吃饭，第一句就非常掉身价: I wasn't sure you would come. 还能再屌丝吗哈哈哈。紧接着扯了一堆没用的，进入了正题并进一步掉身价：I would like to invite you to live with me, though I thought you might say no. (可能不见得准确，但意思是对的。)

听到这全场都会心地笑了，多么笨拙的请求啊，带着害怕被拒绝的掩饰。

可惜，小白兔被伤太多了，一双令人心碎的眼睛看着女王，说：No, I don't think so.

接着女王又说了句什么我忘记了，然后又无奈地看着小白兔，说出了人类史上最无法拒绝的三个单词，同时将身价掉到谷底。

（不知道你有没有注意到，片头的倒叙开头，正是从Carol说完I Love You开始，于是观众不禁想，啊原来影片一开始，她刚和她表白过......）

估计小白兔这时再也无法控制自己的感情了，可惜，一个傻逼直男打断了他们的对话，Carol说那你们晚上玩好我先走了，Therese则带着无尽的复杂心绪坐车去了某party。

（Therese在车上的时候，望着在马路上互相搀扶着行走的一对夫妇出神，这个镜头被一篇英文评论形容为全篇最为酸楚的时刻，because of its telescope out into the universal. 大概的意思是说《卡罗尔》讲述了世间一切男男女女的爱而不得。）

接下来的每一幕，都特别让我感同身受，那种刚刚狠心拒绝了心爱的人，就心慌意乱，后悔万分，恨不得马上回去找他的心情，被Therese演绎地太好了。

在派对上，Therese估计看啥都没劲，最后终于决定去饭店找Carol。冲进饭店的大门，在熙熙攘攘的人群中寻找爱人，找到她，迈着坚定的步伐走向她，等着她也看见自己。当Cate也发现她时，回望，带着一种庆幸、释然、和同样的坚定的眼神，笑了。

看吧，爱情自会找到它来时的路。

毫无疑问，《卡罗尔》在视觉上有出众的细腻美感。影片的摄影风格节制，冷静，有着极强的艺术性，仿佛每一帧都可以被定格为精致优雅的画报。相较之下，《卡罗尔》的剧情似乎偏弱，被许多人评价为格局小，新意少，只是专注的讲述了一段隐秘深刻的爱情，而无更多对社会的注解与批判。

然而我认为，《卡罗尔》的格局并不小，它对政治和社会的批判只是没有在剧情大纲里直接表现出来而已。

实际上，电影的美学形式和内涵并不应该被泾渭分明的区分开来。《卡罗尔》对“大格局”的野心，恰恰体现在一些电影构图的小细节里：镜头下那些看似空洞的精致布景，可能蕴藏着丰富的象征，使电影表达的内涵远不限于剧本故事本身。而这其实才是电影有别于文学的独特魅力。

比如，《卡罗尔》中常出现一个有趣的取景角度：镜头常常是透过玻璃窗望向迷蒙的人物或城市街道的。那么这时常隔在视线中的玻璃窗应该被怎样解读呢？


1. 女性的困境

《卡罗尔》中的确没有激进的政治宣言，也没有热血的抗争，有的只是两位女主角之间静水深流的爱。然而，即使没有露骨地政治性批判，影片许多小细节都微妙地暗示了50年代美国女性的“不自由”。

鲁尼·马拉所饰演的百货公司售货员特芮丝在初见凯特所饰演的富裕家庭主妇卡罗尔时，调笑地说着，我很乐意带你去看我爱的火车模型，但现在我只能被困在这个洋娃娃专柜后。

当卡罗尔为了与女儿相见，只能同丈夫的家人一起用餐，她不断辩解着自己见的是心理理疗师而非医生。似乎在用一种间接隐晦但又毫无退让的方式坚持着自己的同性爱倾向并不是疾病。而极为讽刺的细节是，此时餐桌旁的电视里，某位名人正激昂地演讲着“自由”的美利坚所拥有的那个“自由”的未来。

50年代的美国女性已经拥有了选举投票权。但发生在60年代的，致力于解救中产阶级女性于家庭主妇命运的第二波女权主义，还远没有席卷美国。而一直要到80年代，女同性恋的权益才被纳入女权主义的讨论范围内。这些在法律上已拥有选举权的女性，看似已经身处在一个自由而平等的社会，然而卡罗尔显然并不“自由”。尤其当法律指认她的同性爱是道德问题，并剥夺她见女儿的权利时。

所以，当特芮丝坐在男性友人的汽车后座，隔着起雾的玻璃窗望向纽约夜间的街道和愉悦的行人时，或是当她站在卡罗尔家里，透过窗户望见正与丈夫纠缠吵闹地卡罗尔时——镜头的语言都是极富深意的。

表面上看来，她望向的“自由”的城市空间，或是她默默爱恋的人，就在她触手可及的地方。但如果她真的伸出手，触摸到的只能是冰冷的窗玻璃。



卡罗尔在与特芮丝分开后，正是经历了这样的幻觉和困境：她坐在汽车的后座，透过玻璃窗看见身着红衣的特芮丝行走在窗外的街道上。她的渴望已经近在咫尺，但她并不能真正得到。她能做的只有静坐在车里，继续前往裁决她命运的听证会。

从这个角度来看，影片中的玻璃窗可能象征着一种自由无拘束的幻觉，一种伪善的囚禁。换句话说，50年代的美国给女性开了一张“平等自由”的空头支票，自由对她们来说看得见却摸不着，她们依然在社会限制的眼光中周身不得动弹。而《卡罗尔》中频繁出现的玻璃窗意象，则是用艺术性的方式进行了类似的政治批评。

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2. 都市人的孤独

但是，电影中的玻璃窗显然远不止一种解读的方式。在我看来，除了女权政治相关的批评之外，玻璃窗这个意象还使《卡罗尔》有了对城市生活的批判性思考。

电影中有两组相似的镜头，出现在卡罗尔两次与法律系统关于女儿抚养权的失败交涉后。镜头里，卡罗尔独自站或坐在落地玻璃窗后，窗外大街上匆匆行人的身影也隐约倒映在玻璃上。

于是镜头记录下的是一个忧郁的错觉：在窗玻璃的平面上，卡罗尔的影子与窗外行人的影子叠在一起，似乎正身处在窗外行人的包围之中；然而事实是她独身一人，与城市的人群远远相隔。这其实正是都市生活中人最容易产生的情感。穿梭在城市空间中的都市人每日要遇见许许多多的陌生人，然而个体的孤独却始终难解。



与此同时，卡罗尔与特芮丝身为陌生人的一见钟情，大概是对城市偶遇最浪漫的想象。但是电影并没有用很浓烈的笔墨刻画她们变得亲密的过程，一切是克制而隐秘的。

《卡罗尔》仅用几个简洁的场景就描摹出她们的心意相通：在卡罗尔与丈夫争吵后，我们看到的是她没有泪水的悲伤。然而目睹了一切后的特芮丝乘火车归家，身旁的窗玻璃上却影映着她哭泣的脸。

一个简单的镜头就已经述说了所有。特芮丝的悲伤显然是与卡罗尔的一种共情。虽然此时她与卡罗尔只是仅见过三面的“陌生人”，她却仿佛感同身受着卡罗尔的痛苦，并代替她流下了眼泪。

由此看来，在《卡罗尔》中，玻璃窗的意向是复杂的：它既映照了城市人群的孤独，也成为了照出都市人内心感情的镜子。

无论是哪一种解读，其实都不仅仅局限于两位女主人公之间所谓“私人”的爱情。这些细节所投射的其实是一些社会性的情感：“城里人”的孤独和对知己的渴求。这个“大格局”的主题在电影史上早已被讨论了千万遍，但《卡罗尔》的高明之处在于其注重视觉美感的隐晦处理。没有过多义正言辞的说教和矫情烂俗的桥段，孤独和爱都通过精妙的摄影构图和玻璃窗这个视觉主题来呈现，让观众自己去看去感受。

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3. 电影艺术本身

然而，也许在大部分电影观众看来，《卡罗尔》中的玻璃窗到底意味着什么根本不重要。更重要的是，因为这些巧用玻璃窗的光影来拍摄的镜头，《卡罗尔》拥有了一种独特的美，并能让人置身一种怅然的情怀。

从某种程度上，其实无论是特芮丝手中的相机镜头，还是用以拍摄电影的相机镜头，都可以看做是一扇“玻璃窗”：特芮丝透过相机看到卡罗尔摄人心魄的美。而我们作为电影观众，透过托德海因斯的摄像机，看到的是一个能牵动人心弦的光影世界。

托德·海因斯本身就是一个影迷。他与所有观众一样，深深地迷恋着电影艺术的光影。《卡罗尔》复古的质感来源于胶片电影的独有魅力，同时也是导演继《远离天堂》之后，又一次对50年代好莱坞通俗喜剧大师道格拉斯·塞克的致敬。

关于塞克的电影，最著名的莫过于对比感强烈的配色。《卡罗尔》的色调是同样大胆的：从片中鲁尼·马拉常戴的那顶鲜艳的红黄相间的毛呢帽，到凯特·布兰切特雍容的衣着中点缀着的鲜橘色丝巾，总能成为纽约阴沉的冬天里亮眼的风景。

除了塞克，《卡罗尔》中两位女主人公的公路旅行也像是对著名女权电影《末路狂花》的致敬。只是与《末路狂花》中摧毁男权的旅程全然不同，当卡罗尔在愤怒中向偷窥她的私家侦探举起枪，那把枪里却并没有子弹。显然，在托德·海因斯的镜头下，卡罗尔与特芮丝并没有成为维权先锋。但海因斯用电影独特的美学形式书写了她们最美丽的感情，和最沉默的抗争。

无论是从女性主义角度的批评还是对城市生活的复杂刻画，《卡罗尔》首要顾及的从来不是政治正确和煲出正能量心灵鸡汤。影片的出发点始终在人与人之间的隐秘感情，这大概也是为什么许多人会觉得《卡罗尔》拘泥于儿女情长。然而我欣赏托德海因斯的视角，因为我也认为，在庞大的社会机器里，只有人的感情是永远无法被定义的变量。无论多么“大格局”的政治抗争和社会批评，都起源于个体因不愿放弃私人情感而勇敢突破禁忌。

在电影的结尾，当特芮丝终于在宴会的人群中走向卡罗尔，这一次她的视线里终于没有了玻璃窗的阻隔，也没有了她的相机，她坦然地走向了卡罗尔。手持摄像摇晃的镜头从她的视角望出去，我们看到卡罗尔的微笑。

* 部分原文投稿于《大众电影》杂志

在参加了一场Carol的映后discussion后，为了这半个多月来看的七次Carol，决定写一遍长篇的分析来纪念我的疯狂。 从十一月二十七号Carol在英国直接进入全面院线上映以来，在Curzon看了第一场以后就一直像着了魔一样的在谢菲尔德每一家上这部电影的电影院都看了， 当然也跟我确实是办了很多家会员卡所以很便宜有关啦。 观影效果最好还是Curzon，银幕大厅小，设备新颜色正，相比起来Cineworld的颜色有点灰，我不觉得那个是Todd想要的效果。Anyway, 总的来说就是会从电影的剧情，人物关系，摄影，剪辑，音效/音乐，主创采访来记录一下Carol这样一部注定成为经典的电影。 人物关系 Carol 和Harge Harge第一次出场是在邮局送信的同时， 注意到他从不自己开车，都是司机接送， 下车时说了一句， Won’t take too long. 可以感觉到这个人是一个很有自信的人， 好像一切都在他的掌控之中。 Carol看到Harge第一反应是， 你来早了。到后面Harge不按说好的把Rindy提前接走也是，显然这些事经常发生让Carol很不爽。最能表明Carol对Harge的态度的一句话在Harge让Carol和他一起去参加Jeanette的party时用的是someone’s wife， Carol马上纠正说，是Jeanette. 就这一句话就能说明为什么Carol和Harge要离婚。所有两人出现在一起的场景，Harge对Carol说话永远都是，I don’t like you干什么干什么，I would like you to 干什么干什么， 其次就是他提出的大多数要求都是Mother’s idea. 那么Caro对Harge 到底爱不爱呢?书里Carol是这么说的， 到了那个年纪，好像该结婚了。电影里也对Therese说她用的香水是Harge结婚之前送的，之后就都一直用这款了。 所以，在某一刻至少结婚时， Carol肯定是爱过Harge的， 至少很喜欢他，觉得能和他生活， 但事实证明是Carol Handle 不了这种only be someone’s wife的感觉。不过这也是那个年代的男人对待女人的一种方式， Carol很不喜欢， Jeanette说她丈夫不喜欢她抽烟， Carol的回答是，“So? you like it.” 另外不可否认的是，Harge对Carol的爱，包括要把Rindy从Carol身边带走都是带着让Carol打消离婚的念头的，这个人控制欲太强，家里的管家肯定经常给他打小报告说Carol又和Abby在一起了，他是能感觉到的， 但是就像他对Abby说，“I love her” 。Abby的回答: “ I can’t help you with that.” Harge当然爱Carol了，谁能不爱，只是你爱不起。 Carol 和Abby 书里Abby第一次出现是在Carol的房间， 是以照片的形式， 足见Abby对Carol有多重要， 书里是她们俩从4岁就认识了， 电影里改成了10岁。电影里第一次出现是Harge说Carol总和Abby在一起， Abby是俩人离婚的原因之一，Carol对Abby的依赖是就算取消了和她的约会也还是要她开车送她去和Harge一起参加party，足见两人有多好。显然两个人还是爱着对方，Abby虽然说Then it changed, it changes。 Abby还是对Carol最重要的人， 就算是遇到Therese以后也仍然是。 Therese 和 Richard Richard其实和Harge很像，他觉得自己很爱Therese, 想娶她，但就是有一种我他妈都让你嫁给我了，你居然不感动？ Therese对Richard不管是在书里还是在电影里都是没有爱的，不爱他，但不讨厌他，觉得Richard对她的好让她压力很大，很烦他，但是又不知道到底要怎么办。尤其是讨论Love的那一段，对Richard说爱她的反应，是厌恶和不解，那里麻辣真的是演得很好，归功于天生一张嫌弃脸。Never in love, until you. 挺能让人感动的话， 但Therese听着就是不爽。书里是Therese和Richard上过两次床，但都不是很愉悦，电影里是表示没有过，either way，Therese 对Richard的感情仅限于不讨厌，但大部分时候很烦他。如果没有Carol的出现，或者Therese是个宇直，那也不会和Richard走下去，可能和Dannie的可能性都能更多。简单的说，不爱你，你做什么都是错的。 Therese 和 Dannie, Phil Therese喜欢这两个人一定比Richard多，和这两个人相处不让她有那么大的压力， 首先，和Phil, Phil帮她修相机，给她推荐工作，speak highly of her，但是都是出于朋友情谊。然后和Dannie, Dannie在电影里出场的几次都很重要，可以说直接影响了Therese看清自己对Carol是爱。Dannie带她看工作室，介绍她进Times工作，告诉她应该be more interested in human, “ We all like certain people, you like certain people right? And others you don’t. And you don’t really know why you’re attracted to some people and not others, the only thing you know is you either are attracted or you’re not. It’s like physics，bouncing off each other like pin balls”. 然后Dannie亲了Therese, 几乎能想象就是这一刻，Therese wish it was Carol. Therese 和 Abby 这两个人怎么说呢？不能说是情敌吧，但都是爱着Carol, 书里其实有几处小暗示是Therese和Abby很像，都是深发色，都爱吹冷风，都爱Carol. 但两人是互相不喜欢的，Abby在书里约过Therese吃饭，免不了俗套就是不希望Carol受伤害之类的话，对Therese说 You win。Therese对Abby是有些怕有些嫉妒的。相比起来电影处理的更好，减少了很多Therese和Abby的冲突，电影里的Abby是更希望Carol能够幸福，也很关心Therese. 但年轻气盛的Therese还是几乎没有给Abby什么好脸看，还问她为什么恨她。其实就Therese对Abby的态度来说，她们俩是真的很像，Abby对待Harge的态度也是这么强硬，也许Carol觉得Therese还是有点像Abby的， 毕竟we all like certain people. Therese 和 Harge 这俩人在电影里就见过一次面，很让我感到奇妙的是，当Carol和Harge在窗外吵架时，Therese在屋里放大了音乐声，并且还给了特写，Therese不想介入Carol的婚姻矛盾，不想听到，可能就是根本想忽略Harge这个人也不一定。书里还有Therese问Carol关于Harge的问题，电影里就只有一句Harge是你丈夫吗？反而的Therese更在乎Carol和Abby 的关系。Harge在看到Therese和Carol在家很生气的问Therese是怎么认识他老婆的然后第二天就提交了sole custody, because of morality clause。 Carol 和 Therese Carol和Therese好像有很多能写，但是又不知道怎么写起。对于这两个人，我真的觉得电影改编的很好，就像Cate说电影让Carol活的立体了，而不是像书里面是活在Therese的想象里。书里Therese每次看到想到Carol时的内心活动都很多，麻辣真的演的很好，真的能感受到Therese对Carol的那种迷恋。但更想先说一下在就电影里展现的Carol对Therese的情感，Carol第一眼看到Therese是站在柜台后，她看到Therese盯着她看的时候或多或少的一定有想起19岁时的Abby, 所以她才选择走过去和Therese说话，然后一步一步的，领着Therese进入她的世界，Carol看似胸有成竹的，但是在吃饭时问Therese要不要周日去她家的紧张，以及那句著名的Flung out of space都能看出Carol没有她表现的那么自信，甚至会在看到Therese小时候的照片后坐在沙发上哭起来，当然大部分是因为她女儿的原因，但也是因为Abby说 she’ s young. Carol给Therese的分手信尤其展现她在这方面的不自信， 她说Therese seek resolutions and explanations because she’s young. 唯一能做的就是 release Therese. 她很自信的是觉得不再和Therese联系，挂断Therese的电话， 回去接受心理辅导，这一切做了她还能过得很好，能赢回女儿的监护权， 但是就坐在出租车的看到Therese路过的那一瞬间，全都白费了，Carol看到Therese的那一刻她笑了，然后决定放弃女儿的监护权要和Therese在一起。还能说什么呢？她内心觉得自己是Therese年轻时候要寻找的resolutions and explanations，但还是放弃一切想要和Therese在一起， 所以，有些人觉得Carol对Therese太胸有成竹了，我并不这么想。Therese对Carol的感情在书里铺垫的很好，但是因为书里是主要在以Therese的视角描写，电影里就更直接了当了，Therese看到Carol的第一眼就沦陷了，都不知道默默的开了多少自己和Carol的脑洞，比如书里说两个人开车进隧道的时候，Therese希望两个人就这样死在这，就能永远在一起了（这一部分的蒙太奇做的太好了）。读完Carol的分手信回到家，Therese就开始洗照片，全是Carol, 然后鼓起勇气给Carol打电话在被挂了以后说了两遍I Miss You以后感觉在很努力的move on, 开始在Times上班，穿衣做事都越来与像Carol,但不如说是像Abby更多一点，电影里处理的最好的就是把Therese最后去参加的那场Party和Carol的刚开头参加的那场Party作对比，同样是冷眼看着所有人，同样是自己溜到一边去抽烟然后和人说话，最后剩自己一个人在窗户边抽烟然后开始思考下一步该怎么做，Carol决定Get away for a while, 可能那个时候就想和让Therese和她一起走了，Therese的决定是去找Carol，不要move on. 其实还有好多能写的，但是觉得关于他们电影里表达的非常直白，Carol在车里放的那首You belong to me, 和这首Therese在店里给Carol买礼物时的背景乐简直就是Therese的内心写照。 I can't resist you, what good is there in trying What good is there denying you're all that I desire Since first I kissed you my heart was yours completely If I'm a slave, then it's a slave I want to be。 （ GEORGIA GIBBS "Kiss Of Fire”） 摄影 Carol 这部电影这么美，Ed Lachman的功劳真的很大，也提了好多奖拿了好多奖了。 Super 16 mm的整个颗粒感在Curzon的屏幕上真的是太有感觉了，从开场的下水道盖镜头往上跟着Jack一直走进Carol约Therese见面的地方，第一个感觉就是，有点贵。基本上整部片子的大部分镜头都是跟，就跟着演员，不切镜头。 但只有Carol和Therese说话的时候是用了大特写，两个人分别和其他人讲话的时候，最多也就是近景。 所以说这部电影就是在每一个方面都很直白， Carol和Therese一起出现的唯一没有用大特的场景就是Carol最后一次约Therese吃饭的那一场，所以马上就制造出两个人之间的隔阂，就有了和对方远一些了的感觉。最大的特点还有就是拍倒影，两个人在车里，除开大特写就是从窗户拍，窗户上印着路边的树的倒影加上两个人的脸，有点太美丽。 Carol去check out, Therese 在火车上哭，Therese和Abby吃饭，两个人在party上抽烟，都是拍窗户的倒影，或者从窗外拍，然后就大光圈，大光斑，整个气氛营造的特别好，不是像那种，看啊，我这个镜头多特别多创新，而是看的时候都不会想到说很仔细的去想这个镜头为什么要这么用，很自然把人往里带入。 不知道昆丁的新片70mm到底有多屌，或者The revenant的场面有多宏大，在我心里如果都提了奥斯卡，不管结果怎么样，Carol的摄影都赢了，没有大场面的都是小细节，拍的每一帧都能让人好像置身其中，而不是宏大场面的风景画。 剪辑 Todd 从Mildred Pierce 开始和Affonso Gonçalves合作，也让Todd的作品不让天鹅绒金矿和I’m not there形式感那么重了，也就是主流了，我感觉。不过就Carol来说，用这种主流的剪辑方式绝对是对的，如果玩形式那整个感觉就都不对了。Todd在采访里说最爱的就是对隧道那一段蒙太奇的处理，那一段确实是很惊艳，尤其是加入的那一帧Therese开场时在出租车的样子，太大胆了，谁敢这么玩？（蓝宇，哈哈，不知道是不是从蓝宇取经了）当然这也就不知道到底是导演还是剪辑的意思了。 其实剪辑没什么好说的，剪辑和摄影真是相爱相杀，摄影做的太好，长镜头用的好，真的就没什么剪辑能发挥的空间，唯一能玩的也就是拍的两人的大特写，在这种情况下，能把隧道那段做的那么精致，也是赢了。 音效/音乐 Carter Burwell 也是从 Mildred Pierce 开始和Todd合作的。 Carol的音乐已经到了洗脑的地步，基本上看完脑子里就一直回想着， 也拿了好多原声奖了，没什么好说的。音效会显得弱一些， 和剪辑一样，音乐做的太好了，没什么空间去做任何音效，就规规矩矩的就行，因为大部分时间都在被背景音乐洗脑着。 主创采访 其实主创的采访在不同的场合回答的问题和答案都差不多。总结一下就是，12年前Carol就是一个电影项目了，Phyllis Nagy把小说改编成了剧本，但是没资金，没投资，没市场，后来Cate加入这个项目（虽然还有很多很复杂的各种制片人了之类的，导演也跑了），Cate把这个项目介绍给Todd，然后麻辣长大了，duang，大家决定开开心心的拍起来了。 对这个电影所有主创人员的一致口径都是，这是第一部最后两个lesbian没有自杀或者一个人变直的小说啦，blabla... 最有价值的还是Cate说的电影把Carol从Therese的想象中拿出来，给了一个非常完整的故事线，麻辣说chemistry不是你能创造的，有就有没有就是没有。比较让我印象深刻的访问是在伦敦电影节上的记者发布会，制片人Elizabeth Karlsen说，很可惜这部电影在俄罗斯和中国这一类的地方不能发行。这部电影的历史意义就在此了，Carol拿的奖赚的钱越多，就越能改变未来的电影市场，这样才有越来越多的人愿意来为这类电影投钱，这也是Cate加入这个项目的原因。Pillow talk 前几天不是说，终于有好的lesbian film了，不知道怎么react嘛，well, there will be more.

这片之前一片溢美之词，连烂番茄都有95的好评率，作为我最期待的圣诞精选，看完却有点失望到摸不到头脑。 我还是打了推荐分的，国内没有机会上大块银幕看，只能委屈一下画质，大概少了一大半的摄影分，这当然得怪我这个观众。但，大面积参考Edward Hopper风格的画面，音乐专辑精心考量，两位演员的演技被拿出来大书特书，我依旧很难把它归为一部好电影。 当所有人都在极口称赞拿了戛纳影后的Rooney Mara，和Kate Blanchett 的表演如何好，这两人之间依旧很难说有什么火花，正是因为如此，才见到两位优秀演员的技巧而已。演技这种东西，水盖不住石头，才会水落石出。 这题材又机巧，前10年就有《断背山》珠玉在前，只是贴个“同性”标签，把gay换成les, 两部影片也是立判高下。我们何曾在《断背山》里见过Carol丈夫这样刻板单薄的异性角色？只有两位女性做主角没有问题，可突然间，所有男性角色都面目刻板化，恶棍化，愚蠢化又是为什么？我们同情过断背山中恩尼斯的太太，但我们却很难同情Carol的丈夫，这个面目模糊的角色，痛心都痛心不起来。 再说主角，就算在那个女王T都得戴尖锥胸罩的年代没法不结婚，但是，家庭这条线对Carol这样好歹也得算个双的人，意味着什么呢？男人欢欢喜喜地娶了老婆生了孩子，最后发现是骗婚呢？还是婚后性向觉醒？不管哪样，除了和丈夫抢孩子，再看不到家庭对女王攻的任何意义，她是怎样踏入婚姻，又是怎样决心离婚的，我们一概没有线索。我们只知她追起小妹纸倒是非常来势汹汹，明知在离婚争夺抚养权的关头，还带着心上人出走，一秒变拉拉公路片。 真的，有一句常说的废话在检验同性标签的电影时却有用，“如果她是个男人呢？” 家庭的权重整条线都弱到只剩下抢孩子，这太单薄了。花了那么多功夫来交代两人的眼神交错，就加几句好台词刻画一下人物深度也不会怎样吧。 Therese 这边也是一样，从第一眼在百货公司见到Carol，就开始了没有任何铺垫地神魂颠倒。我明白所有纯爱片的基石，都是“一见钟情”，但，纵然是《阿黛尔的生活》里那种“这个妹妹我见过”的一见惊心，之前也有三分之一的篇幅来讲阿黛尔的性向选择和动摇。可Therese 明明就是有个固定男友的铁直，而编剧没有肯花一丁点儿力气去挖掘这个人物的转变过程，在这样的一部以角色成长为重的影片中，真让人惊异。编剧直接罔顾人物心理建设，就这样霸道地套上“爱能掰坏一切”的设定，我作为一介观众，只能紧锁眉头，丢下三个大字“我不信！”。 当然我信不信都不妨碍广大观众眼泪哗哗地看两人眉目传情。这也没办法，在故事的外部冲突和人际关系几乎全部建立不起来的情况下，我们只好看两个女人你侬我侬地喂甜豆儿了。但是这个片儿连床单都滚得及其不合我意！所谓银幕上的les, 无限柔光，无限温柔，无限（男性眼中）的女性性欲就是这样地轻柔美好，女王攻还涂着美美的指甲油留着长指甲温柔地摸摸小妹子，同时还注意小心地避开了不要露点，并且借位轻轻蜻蜓点水亲了几下，随后镜头一转就带入一片虚空。你不说我还以为我在看98年的《Gia》！2015年了，一个主流的同性片的情欲观还是那么陈腐。 不看床戏也罢，看完仿佛谎言的床戏简直想点“差评”。 大概我对金发霸道的中产大美女实在没有感觉的关系。好莱坞仿佛不管怎么拍，都拈轻怕重，带着清教徒的口味和资本规划过的良好，一切都在完善的工业体系里被打磨得发光发亮，演技是一流的，但化学反应是缺失的；摄影是一流的，但Hopper式的孤寂是没有的；故事本身是可以展现一些东西的，但单薄得只剩下常卖常畅销的“纯爱”款蛋糕。像是一款，各方面都很优秀的平庸之作。

等不到电影，只好先拿小说来解渴。

原著是以作者Patricia Highsmith自己的故事为原型的，她在快30岁时，在纽约Bloomingdale's百货公司的玩具区遇见了一位已婚妇女，并爱上了她。

原著虽是第三人称，但基本是以Therese的视角写的，内心描写很丰富，用词很美，不算艰涩，读起来很流畅，很抓人，不忍释卷。
读的过程中不断带入Cate和Rooney，因此十分有画面感，完全被带入到故事之中，许多描写太细腻，太真实，跟着Therese一起忐忑，也跟着她一起迷醉在Carol的冷漠与温情之间，这些文字，慢慢地在我脑海中拍成电影。

原著中Therese是一个stage designer，但在改编剧本中变成了一个photographer，其实我觉得这样反而更易于表达她作为Carol的暗恋者的角度。
Rooney和Cate绝对是Therese和Carol的不二人选，这点你看了小说就会明白这次的选角有多么完美。

书我还在读，读了大半了，书摘会陆续更，每晚都又期待故事，又不忍读完它，到了该睡的时间还是不情愿放下，不断安慰自己说“好东西值得等待”，才心不甘情不愿地关灯睡下。

即使读原著知道故事的始末，依然不会“剧透”电影，因为我真正期待的不只是故事本身，而是Rooney和Cate的演绎，服装，场景，Todd Haynes怎么营造1950s纽约的复古模样，以及代入感十足的黑胶唱片老歌，而这些都是文字之外的全新创造。

总之，北美上映都要到12月18，有资源的时候估计已经是2016了，只能先来感受原著了。

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附上非官方的原声，听吧，你会沉醉的。
http://pan.baidu.com/s/1bnfMneB
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以下为书摘，按阅读先后顺序

"How do you like it pronounced? Therese?"
"Yes. The way you do," she answered. Carol pronounced her name the French way, Terez. She was used to a dozen variations, and sometimes she herself pronounced it differently. She liked the way Carol pronounced it, and she liked her lips saying it. An indefinite longing, that she had been only vaguely conscious of at times before, became now a recognizable wish. It was so absurd, so embarrassing a desire, that
Therese thrust it from her mind.
----

Therese was propped on one elbow. The milk was so hot, she could barely let her lip touch it at first. The tiny sips spread inside her mouth and released a melange of organic flavors. The milk seemed to taste of bone and blood, of warm flesh, or hair, saltless as chalk yet alive as a growing embryo.
----

"There's a train in about four minutes," Carol said.
Therese blurted suddenly, "Will I see you again?"
Carol only smiled at her, a little reproachfully, as the window between them rose up. "Au revoir," she said.
Of course, of course, she would see her again, Therese thought. An idiotic question!
The car backed fast and turned away into the darkness.
----

But there was not a moment when she did not see Carol in her mind, and all she saw, she seemed to see through Carol. That evening, the dark flat streets of New York, the tomorrow of work, the milk bottle dropped and broken in her sink, became unimportant. She flung herself on her-bed and drew a line with a pencil on a piece of paper. And another line, carefully, and another. A world was born around her, like a bright forest with a million shimmering leaves.
----

They stopped for a red light, and Carol rolled the window up. Carol looked at her, as if really seeing her for the first time that evening, and under her eyes that went from her face to her hands in her lap, Therese felt like a puppy Carol had bought at a roadside kennel, that Carol had just remembered was riding beside her.
----

Happiness was a little like flying, she thought, like being a kite. It depended on how much one let the string out.
----

"Are you busy? If you are, I'll leave."
"No. Sit down. I'm not doing anything—except reading a play."
"What play?"
"A play I have to do sets for." She realized suddenly she had never mentioned stage designing to Carol.
"Sets for?"
"Yes—I'm a stage designer." She took Carol's coat.
Carol smiled astonishedly. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?" she asked quietly. "How many other rabbits are you going to pull out of your hat?"
----

And perhaps she was in love with Carol, too. It put Therese on guard with her. It created a tacit rivalry that gave her a curious exhilaration, a sense of certain superiority over Abby—emotions that Therese had never known before, never dared to dream of, emotions consequently revolutionary in themselves. So their lunching together in the restaurant became nearly as important as the meeting with Carol.

------
• Carol glanced at her. "You imagine," she said, and the pleasant vibration of her voice faded into silence again.
The page she had written last night, Therese thought, had nothing to do with this Carol, was not addressed to her. I feel I am in love with you, she had written, and it should be spring. I want the sun throbbing on my head like chords of music. I think of a sun like Beethoven, a wind like Debussy, and birdcalls like Stravinsky. But the tempo is all mine.
• As if she wouldn't turn down a job on a ballet set to go away with Carol—to go with her through country she had
never seen before, over rivers and mountains, not knowing where they would be when night came.
• Behind Carol, an airport searchlight made a pale sweep in the night, and disappeared. Carol's voice seemed to
linger in the darkness. In its richer, happier tone, Therese could hear the depths within her where she loved Rindy, deeper than she would probably ever love anyone else.
• It shook Therese in the profoundest part of her where no words were, no easy words like death or dying or killing. Those words were somehow future, and this was present. An inarticulate anxiety, a desire to know, know anything, for certain, had jammed itself in her throat so for a moment she felt she could hardly breathe. Do you think, do you think, it began. Do you think both of us will die violently someday, be suddenly shut off? But even that question wasn't definite
enough. Perhaps it was a statement after all: I don't want to die yet without knowing you. Do you feel the same way, Carol? She could have uttered the last question, but she could not have said all that went before it.
• "I suppose the first thing is not to be afraid." Therese turned and saw Carol's smile. "You're smiling because you think I am afraid, I suppose."
 "You're about as weak as this
match." Carol held it burning for a moment after she lighted her cigarette. "But given the right conditions, you could burn a house down, couldn't you?"
 "Or a city."
 "But you're even afraid to take a little trip with me. You're afraid because you think you haven't got enough money."
 "That's not it."
 "You've got some very strange values, Therese. I asked you to go with me, because it would give me pleasure to have you. I should think it'd be good for
you, too, and good for your work. But you've got to spoil it by a silly pride about money. Like that handbag you gave me. Out of all proportion. Why don't you take it back, if you need the money? I don't need the handbag. It gave you pleasure to give it to me, I suppose. It's the same thing, you see. Only I make sense and you don't." Carol walked by her and turned to her again, poised with one foot forward and her head up, the short blond hair as unobtrusive as a statue's hair. "Well, do you think it's funny?"
• Carol went into the green room, and stayed there while it played. Therese stood by the door of her room, listening, smiling.
 ... I'll never regret... the years I'm giving... They're easy to give, when you're in love... I'm happy to do whatever I do for you...
 That was her song. That was everything she felt about Carol.
• Was life, were human relations like this always, Therese wondered. Never solid ground underfoot. Always like gravel, a little yielding, noisy so the whole world could hear, so one always listened, too, for the loud, harsh step of the intruder's foot.
• Therese still felt the effects of what she had drunk, the tingling of the champagne that drew her painfully close to Carol. If she simply asked, she thought, Carol would let her sleep tonight in the same bed with her. She wanted more than that, to kiss her, to feel their bodies next to each other's. Therese thought of the two girls she had seen in the Palermo bar. They did that, she knew, and more. And would Carol suddenly thrust her away in disgust, if she merely wanted to hold her in her arms? And would whatever affection Carol now had for her vanish in that instant? A vision of Carol's cold rebuff swept her courage clean away. It crept back humbly in the question, couldn't she ask simply to sleep in the same bed with her?
• She rode up in an elevator and she was acutely conscious of Carol beside her, as if she dreamed a dream in which Carol was the subject and the only figure. In the room, she lifted her suitcase from the floor to a chair, unlatched it and left it, and stood by the writing table, watching Carol. As if her emotions had been in abeyance all the past hours, or days, they flooded her now as she watched Carol opening her suitcase, taking out, as she always did first, the leather kit that contained her toilet articles, dropping it onto the bed. She looked at Carol's hands, at the lock of hair that fell over the scarf tied around her head, at the scratch she had gotten days ago across the toe of her moccasin.
 "What're you standing there for?" Carol asked. "Get to bed, sleepyhead."
 "Carol, I love you."
 Carol straightened up. Therese stared at her with intense, sleepy eyes.
• Then Carol finished taking her pajamas from the suitcase and pulled the lid down. She came to Therese and put her hands on her shoulders. She squeezed her shoulders hard, as if she were exacting a promise from her, or perhaps searching her to see if what she had said were real. Then she kissed Therese on the lips, as if they had kissed a thousand times before.
 "Don't you know I love you?" Carol said.
• Then Therese set the container of milk on the floor and looked at Carol who was sleeping already, on her stomach, with one arm flung up as she always went to sleep. Therese pulled out the light. Then Carol slipped her arm under her neck, and all the length of their bodies touched, fitting as if something had prearranged it. Happiness was like a green vine spreading through her, stretching fine tendrils, bearing flowers through her flesh. She had a vision of a pale-white flower, shimmering as if seen in darkness, or through water. Why did people talk of heaven, she wondered.
• "Go to sleep," Carol said.
 Therese hoped she would not. But when she felt Carol's hand move on her shoulder, she knew she had been asleep. It was dawn now. Carol's fingers tightened in her hair, Carol kissed her on the lips, and pleasure leaped in Therese again as if it were only a continuation of the moment when Carol had slipped her arm under her neck last night. I love you, Therese wanted to say again, and then the words were erased by the tingling and terrifying pleasure that spread in waves from Carol's lips over her neck, her shoulders, that rushed suddenly, the length of her body. Her arms were tight around Carol, and she was conscious of Carol and
nothing else, of Carol's hand that slid along her ribs, Carol's hair that brushed her bare breasts, and then her body too seemed to vanish in widening circles that leaped further and further, beyond where thought could follow. While a thousand memories and moments, words, the first darling, the second time Carol had met her at the store, a thousand memories of Carol's face, her voice, moments of anger and laughter flashed like the tail of a comet across her brain. And now it was pale-blue distance and space, an expanding space in which she took flight suddenly like a long arrow. The arrow seemed to cross an impossibly wide abyss with ease, seemed to arc on and on in space, and not quite to stop. Then she realized that she still clung to Carol, that she trembled violently, and the arrow was herself. She saw Carol's pale hair across her eyes, and now Carol's head was close against hers. And she did not have to ask if this were right, no one had to tell her, because this could not have been more right or perfect.
• "Go to sleep," Carol said.
 Therese hoped she would not. But when she felt Carol's hand move on her shoulder, she knew she had been asleep. It was dawn now. Carol's fingers tightened in her hair, Carol kissed her on the lips, and pleasure leaped in Therese again as if it were only a continuation of the moment when Carol had slipped her arm under her neck last night. I love you, Therese wanted to say again, and then the words were erased by the tingling and terrifying pleasure that spread in waves from Carol's lips over her neck, her shoulders, that rushed suddenly, the length of her body. Her arms were tight around Carol, and she was conscious of Carol and nothing else, of Carol's hand that slid along her ribs, Carol's hair that brushed her bare breasts, and then her body too seemed to vanish in widening circles that leaped further and further, beyond where thought could follow. While a thousand memories and moments, words, the first darling, the second time Carol had met her at the store, a thousand memories of Carol's face, her voice, moments of anger and laughter flashed like the tail of a comet across her brain. And now it was pale-blue distance and space, an expanding space in which she took flight suddenly like a long arrow. The arrow seemed to cross an impossibly wide abyss with ease, seemed to arc on and on in space, and not quite to stop. Then she realized that she still clung to Carol, that she trembled violently, and the arrow was herself. She saw Carol's pale hair across her eyes, and now Carol's head was close against hers. And she did not have to ask if this were right, no one had to tell her, because this could not have been more right or perfect. She held Carol tighter against her, and felt Carol's mouth on her own smiling mouth. Therese lay still, looking at her at Carol's face only inches away from her, the gray eyes calm as she had never seen them, as if they retained some of the space she had just emerged from. And it seemed strange that it was still Carol's face, with the freckles, the bending blond eyebrow that she knew, the mouth now as calm as her eyes, as Therese had seen it many times before.
• "My angel," Carol said. "Flung out of space."
 Therese looked up at the corners of the room that were much brighter now, at the bureau with the bulging front and the shield-shaped drawer pulls, at the frameless mirror with the beveled edge, at the green patterned curtains that hung straight at the windows, and the two gray tips of buildings that showed just above the sill. She would remember every detail of this room forever.
 "What town is this?" she asked.
 Carol laughed. "This? This is Waterloo." She reached for a cigarette.
 "Isn't that awful."
 Smiling, Therese raised up on her elbow. Carol put a cigarette between her lips. "There's a couple of Waterloos in every state," Therese said.
• Therese threw the newspapers on the bed and came to her. Carol seized her suddenly in her arms. They stood holding each other as if they would never separate. Therese shuddered, and there were tears in her eyes. It was hard to find words, locked in Carol's arms, closer than kissing.
 "Why did you wait so long?" Therese asked.
 "Because—I thought there wouldn't be a second time, that I wouldn't want it. But that's not true."
 Therese thought of Abby, and it was like a slim shaft of bitterness dropping between them. Carol released her.
 "And there was something else—to have you around reminding me, knowing you and knowing it would be so easy. I'm sorry. It wasn't fair to you."
 Therese set her teeth hard. She watched Carol walk slowly away across the room, watched the space widen, and remembered the first time she had seen her walk so slowly away in the department store, Therese had thought forever. Carol had loved Abby, too, and she reproached herself for it. As Carol would one day for loving her, Therese wondered? Therese understood now why the December and January weeks had been made up of anger and indecision, reprimands alternating with indulgences. But she understood now that whatever Carol said in words, there were no barriers and no indecisions now. There was no Abby, either, after this morning, whatever had happened between Carol and Abby before.
• "You've made me so happy ever since I've known you,"
Therese said.
 "I don't think you can judge."
 "I can judge this morning."
 Carol did not answer. Only the rasp of the door lock answered her. Carol had locked the door and they were alone. Therese came toward her, straight into her arms.
 "I love you," Therese said, just to hear the words. "I love you, I love you."
• She looked at Therese, and at last Therese saw a smile rising slowly in her eyes, bringing Carol with it. "I
mean responsibilities in the world that other people live in and that might not be yours. Just now it isn't, and that's why in New York I was exactly the wrong person for you to know—because I indulge you and keep you from growing up."
 "Why don't you stop?"
 "I'll try. The trouble is, I like to indulge you."
 "You're exactly the right person for me to know," Therese said.
 "Am I?"
 On the street, Therese said, "I don't suppose Harge would like it if he knew we were away on a trip, either, would he?"
 "He's not going to know about it."
 "Do you still want to go to Washington?"
 "Absolutely, if you've got the time. Can you stay away all of February?"
 Therese nodded.
• "Do you mean that about not writing to him? That's your decision?" Carol asked.
• "Yes."
 Therese watched Carol knock the water out of her toothbrush, and turn from the basin, blotting her face with a towel. Nothing about Richard mattered so much to her as the way Carol blotted her face with a towel.
 "Let's say no more," Carol said.
 She knew Carol would say no more. She knew Carol had been pushing her toward him, until this moment. Now it seemed it might all have been for this moment as Carol turned and walked toward her and her heart took a giant's step forward.
• It was an evening Therese would never forget, and unlike most such evenings, this one registered as unforgettable while it still lived. It was a matter of the bag of popcorn they shared, the circus, and the kiss Carol gave her back of some booth in the performers' tent. It was a matter of that particular enchantment that came from Carol—though Carol took their good times so for granted—seemed to work on all the world around them, a matter of everything going perfectly, without disappointments or hitches, going just as they wished it to.
• "What's going to happen when we get back to New York? It can't be the same, can it?"
 "Yes," Carol said. "Till you get tired of me."
 Therese laughed. She heard the soft snap of Carol's scarf end in the wind.
 "We might not be living together, but it'll be the same."
 They couldn't live together with Rindy, Therese knew. It was useless to dream of it. But it was more than enough that Carol promised in words it would be the same.
• Carol picked up her wine glass and said, "Chateau Neuf-du-Pape in Nebraska. What'll we drink to?"
 "Us."
 It was something like the morning in Waterloo, Therese thought, a time too absolute and flawless to seem real, though it was real, not merely props in a play—their brandy glasses on the mantel, the row of deers' horns above, Carol's cigarette lighter, the fire itself. But at moments she felt like an actor, remembered only now and then her identity with a sense of surprise, as if she had been playing in these last days the part of someone else, someone
fabulously and excessively lucky. She looked up at the fir branches fixed in the rafters, at the man and woman talking inaudibly together at a table against the wall, at the man alone at his table, smoking his cigarette slowly. She thought of the man sitting with the newspaper in the hotel in Waterloo. Didn't he have the same colorless eyes and the long creases on either side of his mouth? Or was it only that this moment of consciousness was so much the same as that other moment?
 They spent the night in Lusk, ninety miles away.
• Carol wanted her with her, and whatever happened they would meet it without running. How was it possible to be afraid and in love, Therese thought. The two things did not go together.
How was it possible to be afraid, when the two of them grew stronger together every day? And every night. Every night was different, and every morning. Together they possessed a miracle.
• But there were other days when they drove out into the mountains alone, taking any road they saw. Once they came upon a little town they liked and spent the night there, without pajamas or toothbrushes, without past or future, and the night became another of those islands in time, suspended somewhere in the heart or in the memory, intact and absolute.
• Carol went into the bathroom arid turned on the shower.
 Therese came in after her. "I thought I was using this John."
 "I'm using it, but I'll let you come in."
 "Oh, thanks." Therese took off her robe as Carol did.
 "Well?" Carol said.
 "Well?" Therese stepped under the shower.
 "Of all the nerve." Carol got under it, too, and twisted Therese's arm behind her, but Therese only giggled.
 Therese wanted to embrace her, kiss her, but her free arm reached out convulsively and dragged Carol's head
against her, under the stream of water, and there was the horrible sound of a foot slipping.
 "Stop it, we'll fall!" Carol shouted. "For Christ's sake, can't two people take a shower in peace?"
• Carol wanted to know everything she had done, how the roads were, and whether she had on the yellow pajamas or the blue ones. "I'll have a hard time getting to sleep tonight without you."
 "Yes." Immediately, out of nowhere, Therese felt tears pressing behind her eyes.
 "Can't you say anything but yes?"
 "I love you.
• "Carol does?" Dutch said, turning to her as he polished a lass.
 Then a strange resentment rose in Therese because he had said her name, and she made a resolution not to speak of Carol again at all, not to anyone in the city.
• She wrote to Carol late that night.
 The news is wonderful. I celebrated with a single daiquiri at the Warrior. Not that I am conservative, but did you know that one drink has the kick of three when you are alone?... I love this town because it all reminds me of you. I know you don't like it any more than any other town, but that isn't the point. I mean you are here as much as I can bear you to be, not being here...
• In the library, she looked at books with photographs of Europe in
them, marble fountains in Sicily, ruins of Greece in sunlight, and she wondered if she and Carol would really ever go there. There was still so much they had not done. There was the first voyage across the Atlantic. There were simply the mornings, mornings anywhere, when she could lift her head from a pillow and see Carol's face, and know that the day was theirs and that nothing would separate them.
• They were happy weeks—you knew it more than I did. Though all we have known is only a beginning. I meant to try to tell you in this letter that you don't even know the rest and perhaps you never will and are not supposed to—meaning destined to. We never fought, never came back knowing there was nothing else we wanted in heaven or hell but to be together. Did you ever care for me that much, I don't know. But that is all part of it and all we have known is only a beginning. And it has been such a short time.
• You say you love me however I am and when I curse. I say I love you always, the person you are and the person you will become. I would say it in a court if it would mean anything to those people or possibly change anything, because those are not the words I am afraid of.
• And she remembered Carol saying, I like to see you walking. When I see you from a distance, I feel you're walking on the palm of my hand and you're about five inches high. She could hear Carol's soft voice under the babble of the wind, and she grew tense, with bitterness and fear. She walked faster, ran a few steps, as if she could run out of that morass of love and hate and resentment in which her mind suddenly floundered.
• Something Carol had said once came suddenly to her mind: every adult has secrets. Said as casually as Carol said everything, stamped as indelibly in her brain as the address she had written on the sales slip in Frankenberg's. She had an impulse to tell Dannie the rest, about the picture in the library, the picture in
the school. And about the Carol who was not a picture, but a woman with a child and a husband, with freckles on her hands and a habit of cursing, of growing melancholy at unexpected moments, with a bad habit of indulging her will. A woman who had endured much more in New York than she had in South Dakota. She looked at Dannie's eyes, at his chin with the faint cleft. She knew that up to now she had been under a spell that prevented her from seeing anyone in the world but Carol.
• Once that had been impossible, and had been what she wanted most in the world. To live with her and share everything with her, summer and winter, to walk and read together, to travel together. And she remembered the days of resenting Carol, when she had imagined Carol asking her this, and herself answering no.
 "Would you?" Carol looked at her.
 Therese felt she balanced on a thin edge. The resentment was gone now.
 Nothing but the decision remained now, a thin line suspended in the air, with nothing on either side to push her or pull her. But on the one side, Carol, and on the other an empty question mark. On the one side, Carol, and it would be different now, because they were both different. It would be a world as unknown as the world just past had been when she first entered it. Only now, there were no obstacles. Therese thought of Carol's perfume that today meant nothing. A blank to be filled in, Carol would say.
• The lights were not bright, and she did not see her at first, half hidden in the shadow against the far wall, facing her. Nor did Carol see her. A man sat opposite her, Therese did not know who. Carol raised her hand slowly and brushed her hair back, once on either side, and Therese smiled because the gesture was Carol, and it was Carol she loved and would always love. Oh, in a different way now, because she was a different person, and it was like meeting Carol all over again, but it was still Carol and no one else. It would be Carol, in a thousand cities, a thousand houses, in foreign lands where they would go together, in heaven and in hell. Therese waited. Then as she was
about to go to her Carol saw her, seemed to stare at her incredulously a moment while Therese watched the slow smile growing, before her arm lifted suddenly, her hand waved a quick, eager greeting that Therese had never seen before. Therese walked toward her.
 
The End



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