酷儿们

写影像之书的初衷，想要活成每一人，每一物。

不能做到的话，就活成边缘人，少数人，非常人。这里说的非常人绝非贬义。事实上，每个人都是非常人，不是吗。无论我们是谁，无论我们爱的是谁。

这周本来想写圣罗兰，艺术家，时尚宠儿，数不清的灵感，很有得写。就在动笔前一刻，打开了17年的英剧《酷儿们》，然后就有了这一篇文章，很符合日落使我头皮痒的初心。我想，圣罗兰与他的先生也会很高兴看到这一篇文章的。不过，我也只能分享看完《酷儿们》的感受。说感同身受和完全理解，那肯定是糊弄人的。

酷儿们的伟大时刻，在时空中分散的，将在爱中凝结成火。

《站台上的人》

1917年，佩尔斯，士兵，一名瘦弱的同性恋。

记得我15岁的时候，在街上看到两名警察追捕疑犯。我走过去询问，他们抓的是谁？是奥斯卡·王尔德。

总是靠眼神，靠眼神就能知道。那一瞥延续了有点长，然后才转向另一侧，像是黑夜里划过一束光。

一瞬流光的眼神，就足够了。他，就是这样知道的。

我记得在复营——复苏营的第一天。寂静，难以忍受的寂静，只有伤员。

我对莱斯利上尉说，我说：“你不会相信的，是吧？”“听起来很好，”他说，“既然我们都在地狱里。”当他笑着的时候，脸颊上的皱纹就像沙漠里的涟漪。

“你让这个小队有了保障，佩尔斯”，他跟我说，“你有着女人一样的细心。”他突然握了我的手。“泰伦斯，”他说，我没反应过来：“什么？”他说，“我，“我的名字，泰伦斯•莱斯利，就叫我泰伦斯。”

“我还是叫你莱斯利上尉吧，”我说，“反正都是一样的。”他又微笑了接着耸了耸肩。他的睫毛很长。长，而且是金黄色。我不能看到他太多头发，因为他戴了帽子。但有一天，我正在搬着担架，看到他脱下帽子，他的头发就那样露出来，玉米一样的金黄色。我当时一定是盯着他的，因为他朝我咧嘴笑了，然后他拨开眼睛前的头发对我说：“快点，佩尔斯，赶紧跟上。”

但我没动，就一会儿……像我说的，就是，就是很长的一会儿。

我们躺在草地上，能听到苍蝇的嗡嗡声，但它们离得很远，离得近的是蝴蝶。他的喉结上下起伏，他的头发金灿灿的，他下巴的弧度简直是……完美 。他的唇色很深，嘴唇饱满，像黑莓一样，我想做的只是弯下腰……

那天，我们什么都没做。可是，还是有人看到了我们。他们想着，“哦，这儿有些什么？”这简直有伤风化之类的，所以我要被调到别处去了，哦，当然了，我没能见一面上尉， 因为他也被调走了。

有一天，我就坐在火车的地板上，用帽子遮住眼睛，迷迷糊糊地睡着。我不知道过去了多久，但当我醒来的时候外边是黑的。火车进站了。在车厢里只有夜灯零星的蓝光，让每个人都看起来像被截成了三段。突然，我看到了他，的的确确是他，

泰伦斯。

就在车窗外面，在站台上。灰色外套，头发收在帽子里，干干净净。他在跟某人说话，他们让他笑了，因为他的脸上又浮现出褶皱。但他没看到我。所以我挤过车厢，穿过人群，那并不简单，因为很多人都还没醒。我被某个家伙绊倒了他还骂我。但我走到了床边，拉下框格，窗外的空气很暖和。我想做的就只有挥手。

当然了，我还能说什么？

“再见，莱斯利上尉？”

“再见，佩尔斯。”

但之后他也看到我了，扫了一眼，但仍在和他的伙伴聊天。突然见，火车向前一抖。开始制动，蓝光熄灭了，一下子一片漆黑。整个车厢的人都开始抱怨，有人说：“他妈的灯又灭了。”

但我能感到的就只有心跳和空气，还有紧贴在车窗上的黑暗。我的手紧抓着窗台。然后有人握住我的手，窗户外面站台之上的某人，我知道，是泰伦斯。他握着我的手，抬到嘴唇边上，然后轻轻吻了一下。没有火车，没有军队，也没有战争。只有他黑莓般的嘴唇，紧贴在我的手指上。我脖子上的汗毛都竖起来了。然后火车又向前抖动了一下，他放开了我的手，所有的蓝色光又亮了起来。窗外只有蒸汽，蒸汽和黑暗。

《伟大的一天》

1994年，英国国会同意将同性恋合法年龄下调至18岁，双方同意的同性恋行为不算犯罪。

1994年，我，17岁，同性恋。今天，英国国会同意将同性恋合法年龄下调至18岁，双方同意的同性恋行为不算犯罪。

我不明白，18岁在这里有什么用？既然要撤罪，何不撤得更合理一点，我觉得定为16岁不是更好吗？算了不想了，至少比起过去，这也算是一种进步。你看，就在这间酒吧里，那里有一群同志们。我认出他们了，他们昨晚也去了议会，还投了反对票。我说拜托，哪一个同性恋会投反对票？我不敢相信他们认为自己是有罪的。

我也去议会了。感觉很奇怪，我以前总是一个人，不知道还有谁是......嗯，同性恋。而昨晚，有很多人，我们都很棒。我环顾四周，然后想：“这些都是好人。”然后想，他们当然会投对票，怎么不会呢，投错了又有什么意义

然后我看到了他，他也看到了我。他很可爱，我有点害羞，我跟他回了家，和他过了一夜。他说他是BBC的会计员。天哪，所以这真的是第一次，感觉做什么事都合法，和一个会计，我不知道自己在做什么，我还谎报了年龄说自己是18岁，但是他很好，很有耐心。

我确实是做了。

我在想：“现在来看看我在干嘛啊？”

我感觉真好。

《多点愤怒》

1987年，英政府开展“艾滋病：不要死于无知”活动，这是一个重大的公共信息宣传运动，给英国的每个家庭都发了一份关于艾滋病的传单，警告说，我们无法分辨出谁感染了这种病毒。

我，菲尔，男演员，同性恋。我在等待我的测试结果。我不会的，只是碰巧，我只是不小心染上。

在荧幕上，我演的也是同性恋，经常被屠杀，染病，锒铛入狱，父母抛弃我，让我找个好女孩结婚。总之，我不会有什么好下场。不夸张，这些事在现实中也经常发生。

那天，我认识了一个人，他叫西蒙。我原以为，爱情可有可无，床伴更加重要。

这是我的爱情魔咒，爱不了人。可是今天，它被打破了，我的魔咒。

我爱上了他，西蒙，像中了毒。我跟他回了家，他拥抱了我，告诉我他得了艾滋病。

“但是我把自己照顾得很好，你不用担心，你不会染上的。”

他对我说。

说实话，我当时害怕了。

我沉默了，逃走了，像个懦夫。

可是怎么办，西蒙打破了魔咒。

昨天，经纪人给我打电话让我去试镜，同性恋角色，克莱夫，没有生病。BBC的人说，不会生病，都写在合同里了，活的，和其他角色一样，有主线，只是从同性恋的角度。那就是进步了，不是吗。至少不是在棺材里演完整场戏。

后来我想起西蒙，幻想我们牵手去电影院，哦我现在可以扮演恋爱中的样子了 。

这几天，警察关闭了很多同性恋酒吧。他们戴着橡胶手套，说是为了躲避艾滋瘟疫。

我没想到会有一天，一个人只是由于爱上另一个人，就足够有罪了，甚至还是死罪。

许多我们爱的人死去了，剩下的人对这些事已经司空见惯，这世界太疯狂了。

他们说，同性恋等于艾滋病，我还需要更愤怒吗！

《想念爱丽丝》

1954年，英国成立了专门委员会研究应该如何处理“同性恋犯罪与卖淫”。1957年，英国政府报告提出“同性恋不是一种病”以及“任何成年人之间，在相互允许情况下，私下进行同性恋活动不应被认为是犯罪”

我，爱丽丝，两个孩子的母亲。

我和迈克尔是在在教堂里遇见的，只相识了两个月，我们就结婚了。

可我们从来没有亲密地过夜。

当我们有了自己的房子，他总是很晚回家，一直说工作很忙。

有一天，他带了一份礼物回家，这让我很担心。

我问他，是哪个女人给他的礼物。

“不是个女人，爱丽丝。”

我懂了，我的丈夫是同性恋。

我们没有离婚，就这样以夫妻的名义度过了10年，我们还有一个孩子。

事实上，我也没有地方可去。

今天，我在报纸上看到了这份报告，同性恋不再是犯罪。

我们手挽着手，去看了电影。回家的路上，我问他对这一报告有什么想法。

这倒不是出于担心，我只是好奇。他笑了笑，什么都没说。

然后，当我们看完电影，在回家的路上，他突然说：

“我会想念你的，爱丽丝。”

我曾试图结束我的存在，我很擅长自杀。在别人的故事中隐藏是很难过而恐怖的事。在决定这些事的时候，至少问问当事人，我们是否可以代他们说话。

所以，包括你在内，所有的酷儿们，请骄傲地说出自己的故事吧。

无论我们是谁，无论我们爱的人是谁。

我要说，我是常人，我要说，我是非常人，我要说，我是我性。

他性，它性，她性，一旦被察觉，都是一样的。

下个月的今天，5月17日，是“反对仇视同性恋、双性恋与变性者国际日”——国际不再恐同日。

不要讲什么黑白，这个世界是彩色的。

第1集（推荐度：4/5） “那一刻没有火车，没有部队，没有战争，只有他的嘴唇紧贴在我的手指上。” 因为Queers是一部同性恋去罪化50周年的献礼剧，所以我的预期是本剧会讲述大量压抑的、禁忌的、充满英伦风情的、刻骨铭心的、因为迫害而无疾而终的爱情故事。第一集简直是完美地贴合了这种预期。一场战争期间的爱情，没有表白，没有倾诉，没有爆发，没有结果，从头到尾只有英伦式的隐忍。令人完美联想到《莫里斯的情人》、《故园风雨后》等英伦经典，哀而不伤，如梦似幻。结尾处本卫肖流下一滴眼泪，并以上述这句话扔下高能煽情炸弹，于是我应声哭得稀里哗啦。 我以为这个剧就是这样了，我以为8集会是8个英伦悲剧爱情故事。然而，接着看下去，其实完全不是。 第2集（推荐度：5/5） “如果他们同意了，如果他们改到16岁，昨晚我就会直接回家了。” 故事的背景是1994年英国国会把同性性行为合法年龄从21岁下调到18岁（而异性性行为合法年龄是16岁）。一个17岁的同志少年参加了反对这一决策的示威活动，因此没能赶上回家的火车，于是他和一个在游行中认识的成年男人回家发生了性关系。 这个故事讲了一个微妙的主题：“禁忌”。禁忌来自于外界的长期压迫和歧视，但这种禁忌早已被酷儿们内化成了内心的压抑和矛盾。禁忌既给这位少年带来了喷薄的快感，又让他在快感之后全身心地担忧父母有没有在电视上看到自己。这个故事虽然很简单，传递的信息却很丰富，不仅是禁忌的正反两面，还有许多其他矛盾多面的东西：在这个少年身上，有对不公的义愤，但也有赤裸裸的软弱；有迷惘不知方向（他对示威活动的描述，虎头蛇尾，并且几乎走题），但也有坚定和此志不渝（他无数次提到了自己的基友Sean，相当高级的告白啊）；有羞涩胆怯不敢言说（小哥儿连三明治好不好吃都不敢直说，再三地掩饰和改口），却也有直抒心声的勇气。 酷儿们和我们每个人一样，是复杂和矛盾的，他们当然不可能全部是脸谱化的、如梦似幻的本卫肖（我是指本卫肖在第一集中演的那个角色）。 第3集（推荐度：5/5） “难道我的心血，就只能放在档案馆里面腐朽吗？” 我觉得这个故事的主题是stereotype。所谓stereotype，就是对一个人群的刻板的印象，外人非要把这个人群中的所有人都套到这个外人想象出来的框框里。比如在这个故事中，小哥吐槽了社会对酷儿人群的各种stereotype：酷儿就等于艾滋病，酷儿角色在艺术作品中撑不到第18页就一定会得病死掉，他们在等死的途中必须对政府满怀愤怒；酷儿就是年轻无辜苍白瘦弱的娘炮，他们一定滥交，一定在悲剧的爱情故事中黯然神伤。所以这位小哥的愿望，是接一个“正常”的酷儿角色，一个没有因为艾滋病死掉，就和其他普通角色一样有血有肉、有自己故事的酷儿角色。这让我想起了很多年之前看《蓝宇》，看完觉得无比失望。好无聊好俗套的爱情故事啊，这种故事不是可以发生在任何一对异性恋之间吗，同志的特点在哪里？何必拍一部和任何异性恋故事毫无区别的同志片呢？后来，似乎看到导演的访谈说，他就是想拍一个普通的爱情故事，这个故事里没有同志片“应该”要有的东西，比如被边缘化的身份。他只想拍一部会发生在任何两个情侣之间的爱情故事，因为他们想要的其实就这么简单，就是能像普通人一样生活和恋爱而已。 在本集的故事里，小哥对这种stereotype十足反感。他说不要你们假装关心我们，不要你们区别对待我们，我们得不得艾滋病跟你们没有一毛钱关系。但最后，他的男友真的得了艾滋病，他感到天崩地裂，因为他无法继续活在自己躲藏的假象里。原来酷儿群体中就是有很多人因为艾滋病死去，原来酷儿群体中就是有很多因为无法维持长期稳定关系而黯然神伤的爱情故事。那些stereotype虽然讨厌，却是部分真实的；主流社会给予酷儿群体的特殊关注虽然讨厌，但也有有理有据的真实关怀在里面。打破了这个魔咒以后，小哥从拒绝进行艾滋病测试，变成了定期检查；他从“我们过的超好，不要给我们廉价的同情”，变成了“其实我们过的并不好，你们根本不懂我们经历了些什么”。于是我们明白，小哥一开始的否认和拒绝既是他的反抗，也是他自欺欺人的逃避。甚至最后，他想象八十年代过去，艾滋病能被治愈，“同志等于艾滋病”的stereotype消失，他的感受竟然是：那我以前演的那些东西算什么，谁还会想看那些，我的心血就这样在档案馆里慢慢腐朽了吗？ Stereoptye是把双刃剑，区别对待的做法里事实上既有歧视也有关怀。而作为被stereptype的对象，实际上既痛恨被区别对待，又害怕真正地被无差别对待（因为那样便失去了关注和特权）。所以，在终于接到了一个和普通人一样会偷税漏税的“正常”酷儿角色以后，小哥最终的反应却是失望:因为那个角色真的太无聊了。这集说的东西还是挺深刻的。 第4集（推荐度：5/5） “我会想你的，Alice。” 我觉得这是全剧中最妙的一集。这个故事表现的是一个被歧视的少数族群和另一个被歧视的少数族群之间的微妙关系。男方是不敢出柜的酷儿，女方先是未婚先孕被社会唾弃的失足妇女，后来又成了身心俱疲、有苦说不出的同妻。这两个同样被歧视、被损害的人之间有同情和友谊，却也有冷酷的利用和赤裸裸的伤害。作为一个失足妇女，在教堂里不配和家人坐在一起，只有Micheal愿意陪她坐在后排，愿意给她讲笑话。我相信此时Micheal的行为不仅是为了骗婚，这些陪伴里有真正的同情和温柔，因为没有人比他更了解那种在日光下被耻辱炙烤的感觉有多么可怕。也正是出于对这种炙烤的恐惧，男方选择了骗婚，但不管怎么说，在女方的那段生命里，那些笑话和陪伴肯定让她的生活（暂时）变得容易忍受了许多。接下来，他们结了婚，男方的欺骗给女方带来了巨大的折磨，她开始觉得自己胖，觉得自己不值得被爱。发现真相以后Alice孤立无援，其他人的态度是“你装一下就好，你忍一下就好”，因为失足妇女和酷儿一样不值得被理解和尊重。丈夫提供你一个屋檐、一个姓氏已经是慈善行为，你还想怎样？我相信Michael懂得Alice的感受，因为在世人眼中他们的地位是一样的。所以在濒临分手的关头，Michael给了Alice性和一个孩子， 这不光是为了婚姻存续和自己的利益，我相信那个晚上他的安慰和同情是有几分真心的，但当然他的软弱和自私也是实实在在的。在此后的婚姻生活中，Alice给了Michael几乎母性的宽容和保护，那不光是对痛苦的无可奈何，她的豁达里有友谊和同情的光辉。然而，当同性恋终于去罪化的那一天到来，Alice的想法居然是：“你真的需要自由吗，体面、身份、家庭，你不是已经有了你所需要的一切吗？”。 也许任何理解终究是隔了一层的。在Alice和Michael之间，同情和奉献是真实的，但冷酷地为自己打算也是不可避免的。我们甚至还看到，同是被侮辱被损害地群体，在看到别人最终挣脱枷锁的时候，竟会隐隐地有嫉妒和恨（凭什么是你不是我，一起继续做奴隶才是合理的吧）。 “我会想你的，Alice。”这句话Michael说过两次。这是世界上最真挚的感情流露，却也是世界上最冷酷的谎言。 第5集（推荐度：3/5） .“我也想坠入某人的怀中，而不是落入某人的手中。” 第五集的主旨并不新鲜，还是倾诉同志群体的疾苦。但是本集妙在反其道而行之，不是让一个光正伟的形象如泣如诉地讲述自己的悲伤，而是由一个花里胡哨、老不正经的老基友大谈“我喜欢战争，我喜欢当男妓”云云。当然，这种设定的精髓便是99%的愤世嫉俗，加上最后1%的灵魂流露。“我也想坠入某人的怀中，而不是落入某人的手中。”谁不渴望安稳幸福，谁不渴望和心上人一起走在街上看看太阳？我们会被触动，是因为人同此心。这位老基友让我想起《越快乐越堕落》里的曾志伟，是那个角色第一次让我知道，酷儿们的世界里并不是只有年轻帅气的梁朝伟和张国荣。 第6集（推荐度：2/5） “有时候，只有放弃自己的诺言，才能让你活下来。” 本集是讲一个来自英属殖民地的有色人种同志少年在伦敦的冒险和挣扎。其实我觉得这个少年的挣扎很大程度上是他的肤色和故乡造成的，而与同志身份关系没有那么大。结尾处少年选择主动入伍保卫英国。以我在前英国殖民地生活的经历，殖民地人民（包括我自己）确实相当爱英国，这究竟是文化光辉、人性共鸣、板球和赛马的魔力、还是斯特哥尔摩综合症？这是一个见仁见智的问题。 第7集（推荐度：1/5） 这一集大约旨在把本剧覆盖群体进一步拓展至于lesbian和transgender。但是由于技术细节太过猎奇，我觉得更像一个十日谈故事。所以，本集无感。 第8集（推荐度：3/5） “你可以讲述你自己的故事，你可以主宰你自己的人生。” 完结篇当然要回归春晚模式。本集讲一对基友有情人终成眷属，在盛大的婚礼开始前其中一方准备婚礼致辞的情况。虽然剧本很老套，但是有笑有泪的丰富细节和演员的合格演绎成功hold住了全场。在新郎的这段独白中，有因为同志身份受到的欺负和凌辱，但也有善良的人们对他最温暖的包容和保护；有不安和惶恐，但也有勇气和希望；更有托身已得所的满足和幸福。虽然很春晚，但是在难忘今宵的歌曲中（并没有），我完全感受到了导演想要告诉我的：同志群体一步步走到今天的（相对）自由不容易，这里面有他们自己的抗争，有善良群众的包容，也有正直的政治人物的功劳（第4集的字幕里提到，1954年英国成立了一个委员会来研究同性恋问题。委员会的主席沃芬敦本身是反感同性恋的，但是经过长达3年的讨论质证以后，沃芬敦最后提交的报告是支持同性恋去罪化的。说实话，我很感动。） 最后，我想给本剧的所有演员手动点赞。站在墙壁前面独白20分钟还能抓住观众真的不是每个人都能完成的任务。你们的演技给了我感动和新知，谢谢你们（显然我还沉浸在春晚的气氛中不能自拔）。 最最后，我想说我很喜欢《禁色》中的一句歌词：“别怕，爱本是无罪。” 祝天下有情人终成眷属。

意外精彩的BBC纯独白剧集

没有背景音乐 没有场景画面 只有一个人坐在面前讲述

每集都只有十几分钟但却都是十分深入内心的故事 代入感强到可以让我缓半天 因此也花了将近半个月的时间去细细品味每一个故事

每位演员从神态到语调到肢体无不彰显细节

台本用词也很考究 常常让人停下回味或是查词典

从LGBT角度分析 剧中包含近代以来英国该群体外部生存环境改善的许多重要时间节点 在关注故事的同时也了解了人文历史 故事本身也都具有一定深度

个人来说真的太爱了 很英国 很BBC

最后为Fantopia字幕组打call 包含摘要式时间点相关背景介绍 以及地道双语字幕 剧末的滚动字幕也完全打动我

片尾钢琴曲也百听不厌 必须五星～

E1

剧本真是好。继承夭折哥哥的名字，品尝禁果的描述也太贴切了。

E3

作为特殊群体，渴望被尊重与平等对待，但也愿意享有特别身份所能给予的归属感与"特权"。Stereotype，或广义讲标签化是具有两面性的，它们粗鲁地去个体化，但也具有一定的真实性。

E5

谈到gay间的暗语 It's supposed to protect u from lily law. It's not supposed to be on the wireless everyday, for the amusement of bored polones.

E6

有色人种在本国得不到成为自己的权利，被禁止进入上层阶级的地方，被鄙视挑拣，却要为国家上战场。 E8

·Rights aren't like cake,me having some doesn't mean you get less. Me having the right to get married doesn't take anything away from anyone else. ·You can't really blame children. Little pitchers. What gets poured in gets poured out. ·You can't have a gay wedding without Oscar Wilde quote." All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." 这段和E1的呼应太了。 ·PDAs can still make me nervious. (Public Display of Affection公开示爱) "If there's a gay kid in here with his folks, frightened that he's a freak, don't you think that it might give him hope, seeing two guys wandering around, being themselves, getting their groceries, like everyone else? "

是的，我们争取权利，努力发声，独立思考，很多时候不是因为能够在现阶段真正改变什么，而是让其他人和后辈更有信心罢了。 If happiness is a place, it's the biscuit aisle in Sainsbury's.

GENTLE PIANO MUSIC
BUZZ OF CHATTER
……
Douglas Fairbanks there thinks he's in with a chance.
道格拉斯•费尔班克斯觉得他有机会了。
A bit of company on a wet Friday night.
在潮湿的周五晚上有人陪了。
Except old Dougie doesn't have a cast in his eye and a built-up shoe.
但是老道格可没有那种眼神，也没双厚底鞋。
At least, not last time I was at the flickers.
至少，上一次视线相撞的时候我没看到。
It's always the eyes.
总是靠眼神，
That's how you know.
靠眼神就能知道。
A glance held just that little bit too long,
那一瞥延续了有点长，
dragged off to one side, like the trail of a Very light in the dark.
然后才转向另一侧，像是黑夜里划过一束光。
After the do, the, um, interview...
一般程序过后，到了单独提审，
..the officer asks me, not unkindly, I must say, "So how do you chaps,
那个军官问我（还算友好，我得承认），“像你，
"chaps like you and the captain, know one another?"
你和上尉这种人，怎么认识的？”
So I told him.
于是我就告诉他。
Not my words, something somebody said to me once.
——不是用我自己的话，是曾有人对我说过的句子——
"A certain liquidity of the eye."
“一瞬流光的眼神。”
That's how HE knew.
他，就是这样知道的。


My eyes are bad, mind you.
告诉你，那时候我的视力很差，
Too bad for shooting Prussians at any rate,
差到无论如何都射不中普鲁士人。
so I was shunted onto hospital work.
因此我被派去医院工作。
"Cushy", says Sam.
“轻松的活啊。”山姆说，
"That's a charabanc holiday, Perce.
“简直是观光度假啊，佩尔斯。”
"You always wanted to see France, didn't you?"
“你一直想去看看法国，对吧？”
I remember my first day in resus - the resuscitation tent.
我记得在复营——复苏营的第一天，
That's where they take the dying or the nearly dying
那是他们安置死去或者将死的人，
and the shocked ones.
还有受创者的地方。
There's heated beds to put some life back into them, and transfusions.
那儿有温暖的床铺给他们些活着的感觉，还有输液。
Our guns were going hell for leather.
我们的枪一通扫射，
The sky was all lit up - powdery, green.
整片天空都被点亮了——粉末到处飞，看到的全是绿色，
Horrible green.
可怕的绿色。
Like the air was sick.
好像空气病了。
Star shells, Verys, dumps going up.
照明弹，信号弹和垃圾都炸飞了。
And then the ambulances come in and we have to ferry them in,
然后救护车来了，我们得抬他们进去，
the ones that can't walk.
车里不能走路的那些人。
And they've got these labels on them
他们身上都贴了标签，
that tell you what's wrong with them.
上面写着他们有什么毛病。
Like left luggage.
好像在寄存行李一样。
Have you ever carried a stretcher?
你抬过担架吗？
Bloody horrible.
简直太吓人了，
You feel like your arms are going to pop out of their sockets.
感觉手臂要脱臼了一样。
Some chaps can get very heavy.
有些人就是特别重。
Those that can walk into the hospital...
那些能走进医院的人
..are covered in mud and salt sweat.
浑身都是泥巴和汗
Caked in it.
全粘在上面，
All stiff and cracked, like moving statues,
他们都身体僵硬，又有骨折，像是会动的雕像，
like those poor fuckers in Pompeii what got covered in lava.
像是庞贝城里被岩浆掩埋的可怜人。
I've seen photographs of them in the lending library.
我在图书馆看过拍他们的照片。
And then, in the resus tent, a thing you'd never expect.
在复苏营里，有一样东西你绝对猜不到——
Silence.
寂静。
Not a moan or a groan.
没有一声抱怨或呻吟，
They're beyond all that, I suppose, most of them.
他们大多数人的痛苦已经超过这种程度了吧，我猜。
Smoking, breathing, just about.
抽烟，喘息，就只有这些。
Mind you, I've seen what a transfusion can do
不过，我见过输液的功效，
and it is a bloody miracle.
简直是奇迹。
Lads with one foot in the grave and their pulses all thready,
那些脉搏微弱，一只脚都踏进坟墓的人，
they have the transfusion, they're up, they're joking,
一经输液，就能站起来，还能开玩笑，
they're having a smoke in a couple of hours.
几小时后还能抽上烟。
I said to Captain Leslie, I said, "You wouldn't credit it, would you?
我对莱斯利上尉说，我说：“你不会相信的，是吧？”
"It's like... It's like witchcraft."
“那就像，就像是巫术。”
"Sounds about right", he says,
“听起来很好，”他说，
"since we're in hell."
“既然我们都在地狱里。”
But he says it with a smile and when he does that
但他是笑着说的，当他笑着的时候，
there's these creases in his cheeks like ripples in the sand.
脸颊上的皱纹就像沙漠里的涟漪。
"You're a credit to this unit, Percy", he says to me.
“你让这个小队有了保障，佩尔斯”，他跟我说，
"You've all the tenderness of a woman."
“你有着女人一样的细心。”
And he shakes my hand.
接着他握了我的手。
"It's Terrence," he says and I says, "What is?"
“泰伦斯，”他说，我没反应过来：“什么？”
He says, "Me.
他说，“我，
"My name. Terence Lesley.
“我的名字，泰伦斯•莱斯利，
"Do call me Terence.
“就叫我泰伦斯，
"I can't bear all this formal rot."
“我受不了太正式。”
But he's an officer and it don't seem right, so,
但他是个长官，这样似乎不太好，所以
"I'll stick to Captain Leslie," I say, "if it's all the same."
“我还是叫你莱斯利上尉吧，”我说，“反正都是一样的。”
He just smiles again and shrugs.
他又微笑了接着耸了耸肩。
And his eyelashes are long.
他的睫毛很长，
Long and blonde.
长，而且是金黄色。
I can't see much of his hair cos it's under his cap,
我不能看到他太多头发，因为他戴了帽子。
but then one day I'm bringing in a stretcher...
但有一天，我正在搬着担架，
..and he takes his hat off and, just like that, his hair tumbles out.
看到他脱下帽子，他的头发就那样露出来，
Yellow as corn.
玉米一样的金黄色。
And I must have stared because he grins at me
我当时一定是盯着他的，因为他朝我咧嘴笑了，
and pushes his hair out of his eyes and says,
然后他拨开眼睛前的头发对我说：
"Come along, Perce, ."
“快点，佩尔斯，赶紧跟上。”
But I don't move.
但我没动，
And just for a bit...
就一会儿……
Well, like I say, held just a...
像我说的，就是，
just a moment too long.
就是很长的一会儿。
Douglas Fairbanks over there will give me a wink in a minute.
道格拉斯•费尔班克斯一会儿就要给我使眼色了。
There you go.
来了。
HE SIGHS KNOWINGLY


I've always been a skinny bugger, me.
我一直是个瘦弱的家伙，
Thin as a whip, Mother says.
我妈说我瘦得像根鞭子，
Father was the same.
爸爸也是这样。
Mother always had a bit more beef on her after she had Albert and me,
生下我和阿尔伯特在之后，妈总是随身带着点牛肉，
and there was one before us.
在我俩之前还有一个，
A boy.
一个男孩。
But he died.
但他没活下来。
He was called Percy, an' all.
他也叫佩尔斯。
Poison berries. Never think a thing like that can happen, but it does.
是浆果中毒。从没想过会发生这种事，但就是发生了。
I can remember Mother showing me the pictures in the medicine book,
我还记得妈妈给我看医书上的图片，
all shiny and glossy pictures like Jesus in the book at Sunday School.
所有的图都闪闪发亮，像主日学校课本里面的耶稣。
And little Percy had grabbed a handful of these berries and...
小佩尔斯抓了一把浆果吃然后……
..that was that.
就那样了。
Box, I think, the berries.
一盒，我觉得，应该是一盒浆果，
Black, like little bullets.
黑色的，像小小子弹，
Like liquorice sweeties.
像甘草糖。
Maybe that's what little Percy thought they was.
也许小佩尔斯以为就是那些东西。
Anyway, they done for him and then, a year or so after that,
总之，他们料理完他的后事，大概一年时间吧，
along comes I and they call me Percy, too.
我出生了，他们也叫我佩尔斯。
A bit odd, some might say, a bit morbid,
有点奇怪，有的人可能觉得病态，
but Mother always said that she could see him in me.
但母亲总是说她能在我身上看到他。
And she looks so funny when she says that to me...
她对我说那些的时候看起来有些奇怪，
..and she looks so sad.
也有些悲伤。
But I don't think it's just because of little Percy because there was
着不仅是因为小佩尔斯，而是因为
another time she looked at me the same way.
她又一次用同样的方式看我。
It was freezing, I remember that.
当时很冷，我记得，
We was waiting for a train.
我们在等火车，
Dad had some business in Reading, I forget what it was.
爸爸要去雷丁谈生意，我忘了什么生意，
We were to come with and make a day of it.
我们一起去一整天。
I was 15, thereabouts.
我大概十五岁，
Albert was 12. I'd been dispatched in search of tea and buns.
阿尔伯特十二岁。我被叫去买茶和面包。
They all sat in the waiting room, steam coming off them like wet dogs.
他们都坐在候车室里，不停地呼气，像热坏了的狗。
Anyway, I'm on my way to the refreshments
总之，我在去买茶点的路上。
and there's a commotion, so I think, "Oh, the train must be coming in,"
突然有一阵骚动，我想着“啊，肯定是火车要来了”
so I say to the girl behind the tea stall,
所以我对茶摊后的女孩说，
pretty girl I remember with bows in her hair,
我记得她很漂亮，头发上绑着蝴蝶结。
I ask her to get a shift on.
我让她快点给我泡茶。
She says, "What's the hurry? The Reading train isn't in for another
她说：“急什么？去雷丁的那趟在一刻钟之内不会来的。”
"quarter of an hour." So I think, "What's all the fuss about, then?"
所以我想，“那些人都在大惊小怪些什么？”
And then I see it ahead of me on the platform.
然后我看见就在我前面的站台上
Policemen, at least I think they're policemen,
有一群警察，至少我觉得是警察，
but then I look properly and they're not, they're from the jail.
但我仔细看了之后发现，不是，他们是从监狱里来的！
Dark uniforms, little hats with shiny brims.
全黑的制服，帽檐闪亮。
And between them,
在他们之间，
well, a...a prisoner...
有一个，嗯，囚犯
..waiting to be taken away, I suppose.
应该是等着被带走。
And it's not the first time I've seen as such.
我不是第一次见这种场景，
I used to see them a lot, poor bastards,
我见过很多次，可怜虫们，
shuffling along in their chains and the arrows on their clothes.
带着锁链拖着腿走路，衣服上面还有小尖刺。
And it's rough clobber, like to make you itch, worse than this.
那种东西粗糙得很，让你感觉很痒，比我的衣服还糙。
So, "Why are all these folk whispering and pointing?" I wonder.
我很奇怪：“为什么这些人都在咬着耳朵指指点点？”
So I look at the chap in the chains and he's a big chap,
于是我看向被铐起来的那家伙，他块头很大。
sort of like a big bear of a fella.
像头熊一样壮实，
With a big slack, pouchy face.
还有这一张松弛的下垂的大脸。
Fat-ish, except it's all sunk in now,
有点胖，只是都陷下去了。
and his hair, which was most likely black as your hat
而他的头发，以前可能和你的帽子一样黑，
is now shot through with grey.
现在却夹杂着灰色。
And he looks wretched.
他看起来很不好。
As well he might. There's rain dripping off his hair
不过也难怪，雨水从他的头发上滴落，
and down the creases in his big face.
顺着脸上的褶皱流下来。
And then I realise, it's not just rain, he's bloody crying.
突然我意识到，那不仅是雨水，他在哭啊！
And then he looks at me.
然后他看向我，
And there it was.
就是那样，
In that moment...
在那一瞬间，
..a certain liquidity of the eye.
……一瞬流光的眼神。
And then he looks back down at his boots...
然后他低头去看他的靴子，
and it's as if the whole world has come tumbling down around him.
就好像他周围的世界全都崩塌了。
I stand there.
我站在那，
And I think,
我想，
"He knows me.
“他知道我了，
"He knows me for what I am.
“他知道我本来的样子了，
"He can see it in me."
“他能看穿我。”
And I start to shake.
我开始发抖，
And it's not from the cold, it's shame.
不是因为冷，而是羞耻，
And fear and...
害怕，
..terror.
还有恐怖。
And someone starts laughing.
人群开始大笑，
And there's a little girl and she's wandered close to the prisoner.
一个小女孩，她走近囚犯，
She's got a little wooden horse on a dirty bit of string.
她用一根脏兮兮的线牵着一只小木马。
And then her mother goes up and drags the girl away from the man
他的母亲走上前去一把将小女孩从囚犯身边拉回去，
as if he were like to eat her up.
好像他会吃了她似的。
And then I hear it, a name.
然后我听到了，一个名字，
Whispered behind fancy gloves
是从那些精致的手套，
and November hands what are stiff with cold.
和十一月里冻僵了的手后面传来的低语，
"It's him, isn't it?"
“就是他，是吧？”
And suddenly Dad's beside me and he's gripping my arm and he says,
忽然爸爸从身后抓住我的手臂，说，
"You all right, Perce?"
“没事吧，佩尔斯？”
And he's proper worried.
他很担心。
And there's a sort of ringing noise in my ear and I feel for a moment
那时我的耳朵里全是蜂鸣声，有一瞬间我感觉
like I might faint, but then this chap goes straight up
我可能要晕过去了，然后有人径直走向了
to the prisoner on the platform and he...
站台上那个囚犯，然后
He spits in his face.
朝囚犯的脸上吐口水。
And Dad looked shocked.
爸爸很震惊，
And just then, the train comes puffing into the station,
就这时候，火车进站了，
steam everywhere.
到处都是蒸汽。
And I look back to the prisoner,
我回头看那个囚犯，
but he's covered now in a great big cloud of steam.
但他被一团蒸汽笼罩着。
Dad picks up the tea and the buns and he gets us into the carriage.
爸爸拿起茶和面包带我们走进了车厢。
It smells of damp wool and musty, like church,
那里面有种湿羊毛和发霉的味道，就像教堂里一样。
and there's little beads of rain on the window, the open window.
打开的窗户上有些小水珠，
And Mum pulls down the leather strap and the sound sort of...
妈妈拉下皮绳，那种声音
..snaps me out of it.
把我拉回了现实。
"What was all that fuss about there, Clem?"
“那里在吵嚷些什么，克莱姆？”
And Dad sups at his tea and it hangs in little drops from the ends of his
爸爸啜着茶，有几滴顺着他的胡子流下来。
Kitchener 'tashe. "You won't believe it," he says.
“你不会相信的，”他说，
"Out there on the platform, waiting to be taken to prison..."
“就在外面的站台上，有个人等着被带到监狱去……”
"Who?" pipes up Albert.
“谁啊”，阿尔伯特问。
And he looks at us and he shakes his head in wonder.
他看着我们，纳闷地摇着头，
"Oscar Wilde!" he says.
“奥斯卡•王尔德！”他说。
And then Mum looks at me.
然后妈妈看着我，
Tender, like...
很温柔地，像是……
I've never had the nerve.
我从没敢告诉她。
That's the thing, I suppose.
这才是关键。
A notion of getting in trouble or being a bother...
一想到会惹上麻烦或者成为累赘，
I could always imagine Mother's face
我就总是想到
if she found out I'd been up to things.
如果妈妈知道了我到底是什么人时的脸色。
And I couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear to disappoint, so
我受不了这样，我不想让她失望，所以，
I didn't, I didn't do anything about it.
我没说，我什么都没做过。
Not even a tuppeny wank with Sam or nothing.
连给山姆打飞机都没有。
I kept my own counsel, as they say.
我有自己的想法，就像他们说的。
Also, there was a girl who was sweet on me.
而且，有个姑娘曾经喜欢我。
Annie.
安妮。
And that sort of stopped people asking, I suppose.
那应该能平息那些风言风语，
We courted for a long while,
我们在一起很长时间，
but she got fed up because I never asked her to marry me.
但我一直没求婚，所以她受够了，
I took on like Annie had broke my heart and then,
我对外的说法是安妮伤了我的心，
what with one thing or another and then the war, it sort of, somehow,
然后事情一件接着一件，战争又来了，然后，不知怎么的，
I got away with it. A lot of questions, of course.
我就摆脱了这件事。当然啦，还是有很多问题，
Especially when all us Tommies were billeted together
特别是所有英军士兵第一次被安排住处时。
for the first time. "You married?" "No."
“你结婚了吗？”“没有。”
"You got a girl?" "Well, I used to."
“有女朋友吗？”“嗯，以前有。”
And then one day, in Amiens, there was a sort of lull.
有一天，我们在亚眠停休，
Hot as hell it was.
天气热得要死，
Not what you think. People think of all that mud and rain,
不是你们想的那些，人们总是想着泥浆和雨水，
but we was there the live long year
但是我们在那儿待了一年，
and sometimes it was hot and parched.
有时候又热又干，
Fucking flies everywhere.
该死的蚊子到处都是。
Blue and green bellies on them. Fat.
它们的肚子又蓝又绿，而且很大。
Great clouds of them because of the dead bodies.
它们成群结队地围绕尸体。
And Captain Leslie comes up to me
莱斯利上尉来找我，
and he slaps me on the shoulder and he says,
轻拍我的肩说，
"Come along, Perce, we're going hunting."
“来吧，佩尔斯，我们去打猎。”
And I say, "What?" He says, "Butterflies",
我说：“什么？”他回答，“捉蝴蝶。”
because we're camped on this sort of downland.
因为我们驻扎在一片丘陵上，
And there's marigolds and poppies all over, little splashes of colour.
到处都是金盏花和罂粟花，五彩的斑点。
I can still taste the dust.
我至今还能感受到那尘土的味道，
Chalky in your mouth and your hair and...
在你的嘴巴里，头发上，
..on the Dunlop tyres like white paint,
还有邓禄普轮胎上面，像是刷了白色的漆。
because Terrence had only gone and got us bicycles, the silly bugger.
因为泰伦斯去给我们弄了辆自行车，那个蠢货。
And it was only for a few hours
去那儿只花了几个小时，
but you could forget, you know, for a bit,
但是你能暂时地忘掉，你知道的，
everything that was going on.
周围所有的事情。
And we came to this sort of lake.
我们来到了一个像是湖边的地方。
It was a crater hole, I suppose,
应该是陨石坑，我觉得，
and the water was glass green and clear like a perfume bottle.
水面碧绿纯净，像个香水瓶子。
And Terence, he starts hollering and rattling the bike down to the water
泰伦斯一边叫着，一边踩着单车朝水边冲去，
and he pulls off all his clothes and in he goes.
他脱掉了所有衣服跳了进去，
I follows, and then we go splashing about in our birthday suits.
我也跳了进去，我们像孩子一样赤裸着在水里打闹，
And he's brick red from the sunshine,
他的皮肤在太阳照耀下变成砖红色，
but not where his shirt's been,
但他穿过衣服的地方没有，
so he's got this sort of red face and arms, and the rest of him is...
所以他的脸和手臂是红的，其余的部分，
He's like a ghost.
白得像鬼一样。
And after we've swum about,
我们游了一会儿，
we just lie in the grass and fall asleep.
就在草坪上睡着了。
You can hear the buzz of the flies, but they are way off
能听到苍蝇的嗡嗡声，但它们离得很远，
and some of the ones that are closer are butterflies,
离得近的是蝴蝶，
so that's all right, and I just...
所以没关系，我就……
..lie there and I watch Terence sleeping and...
躺在那儿，看着泰伦斯睡觉，
..his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.
他的喉结上下起伏，
And his hair is golden.
他的头发金灿灿的，
And the line of his jaw is just sort of...
他下巴的弧度简直是……
..perfect.
完美 。
Like a draughtsman's drawn it.
像是画家画出来的，
Like I'd drawn it.
像是我画出来的。
And his lips are dark and full and they're like bramble.
他的唇色很深，嘴唇饱满，像黑莓一样，
And all I want to do is bend down and...
我想做的只是弯下腰……
And he opens his eyes...
然后他睁开眼睛，
..and squints.
微微眯起，
And he lifts his hand to cover them so he can see better.
他抬手遮住阳光好看得清楚。
And he says, "We'd best be getting back."
他这时说，“我们该回去了。”
We all had on us the stench of death.
我们浑身恶臭，
The bread we ate, the stagnant water,
吃的面包，喝的死水，
everything we touched had a rotten smell.
一切都散发着腐烂的味道。
But that day, everything was OK.
只有那一天，所有事情都很美好。
It was bright.
很明亮
And it was pure, you see?
很纯净，你知道吗？
And nobody had seen, had they?
没人看见，不是吗？


I've done my bit.
我做了我分内的事情，
The officer mentioned that.
那个军官提到了那个，
Exemplary service.
“杰出的服役”
When he took me aside for a quiet word.
当他拉我到一旁谈话的时候。
And of course, what had Terence and me...
当然了，泰伦斯和我，
What had the Captain and me...
上尉和我，
..got up to?
走到哪一步了？
Sweet FA.
什么都没有。
But someone had seen us and...
但有人看到了我们，
..they thought, "Hello, what's going on here?"
他们想着，“哦，这儿有些什么？”
And it's bad for morale and all of that, so I was to be sent elsewhere.
这简直有伤风化之类的，所以我要被调到别处去了，
And, of course, I didn't get to see the Captain, did I?
哦，当然了，我没能见一面上尉，
Because he'd been transferred, too.
因为他也被调走了，
I was packed onto this carriage...
我被塞上这节车厢，
..sweat and tobacco smelling and fellas pushing up against you
满是汗水和烟草的味道，人群推推挤挤
and shoving for room, and the train gives a great big lurch
就为了抢到一点点空间，突然这列火车猛地抖了一下，
and then it starts off.
然后就开动了。
I just sit down on the floor and pull me cap over me eyes
我就坐在地板上，用帽子遮住眼睛，
and drift off.
迷迷糊糊地睡着。
I don't know how much time has passed, but...
我不知道过去了多久，
I wake up and it's dark outside.
但当我醒来的时候外边是黑的。
And the train's pulling into a station
火车进站了。
and in the carriage it's just these little night lights on - bluey.
在车厢里只有夜灯零星的蓝光，
They make everyone look three-parts dead.
让每个人都看起来像被截成了三段。
And the train pulls into the station
然后火车进站，
and it's going slow, like, puffing,
开始减速，像在喷气
like some of them boys in the resus tent.
像在复苏营里的士兵们。
And then, I do see him.
突然，我看到了他，的的确确是他，
Terence.
泰伦斯。
He's out the window, on the platform.
就在车窗外面，在站台上。
Grey coat, hair tucked under his cap, neat.
灰色外套，头发收在帽子里，干干净净。
And he's talking to someone.
他在跟某人说话，
And they must have made him laugh
他们让他笑了，
cos there's those little lines in his cheeks again.
因为他的脸上又浮现出褶皱。
But he don't see me.
但他没看到我。
So I push through the carriage past the other fellas
所以我挤过车厢，穿过人群，
and it's not easy now cos most have dropped off
那并不简单，因为很多人都还没醒。
and I trip over some poor bugger and he curses me,
我被某个家伙绊倒了他还骂我。
but I make it to the window and I pull down the sash...
但我走到了床边，拉下框格，
..and the air outside is warm.
窗外的空气很暖和。
And all I want to do is wave.
我想做的就只有挥手。
But, of course, what can I say?
当然了，我还能说什么？
Um...
嗯 ……
"So long, Captain Leslie?"
“再见，莱斯利上尉？”
"So long, Perce."
“再见，佩尔斯。”
But then he does see me.
但之后他也看到我了，
He glances over,
扫了一眼，
but he's still talking to his pal
但仍在和他的伙伴聊天。
and just then the train lurches forward.
突然见，火车向前一抖。
The brakes go on and the blue lights go out
开始制动，蓝光熄灭了，
and just like that, pitch-black.
一下子一片漆黑。
And all the other fellas in the carriage start groaning
整个车厢的人都开始抱怨，
and someone says, "Oh, here we fucking go,"
有人说：“他妈的灯又灭了。”
but all I can feel is my heart beating and the air.
但我能感到的就只有心跳和空气，
And the darkness pressing against the window
还有紧贴在车窗上的黑暗。
and my hand gripping the window ledge.
我的手紧抓着窗台。
And then someone takes my hand.
然后有人握住我的手，
Someone outside on the platform.
窗户外面站台之上的某人，
And it's Terence.
我知道，是泰伦斯。
And he takes my hand and he just...
他握着我的手，
..lifts it to his lips and he kisses it.
抬到嘴唇边上，然后轻轻吻了一下。
There's no train then, there's no troops, there's no war.
没有火车，没有军队，也没有战争。
There's just his bramble lips
只有他黑莓般的嘴唇，
pressed against the tips of my fingers...
紧贴在我的手指上。
..and all the hair on my neck goes up on end.
我脖子上的汗毛都竖起来了。
And then the train lurches forward
然后火车又向前抖动了一下，
and he's let go of my hand and all the blue lights go on, and...
他放开了我的手，所有的蓝色光又亮了起来。
Outside there's nothing but steam.
窗外只有蒸汽，
Steam and darkness.
蒸汽和黑暗。

剧本来源：BBC官方网站 搬运/侵删

Queers. s01e01 Episode Script

The Man On the Platform

Douglas Fairbanks there thinks he's in with a chance.

A bit of company on a wet Friday night.

Except old Dougie doesn't have a cast in his eye and a built-up shoe.

At least, not last time I was at the flickers.

It's always the eyes.

That's how you know.

A glance held just that little bit too long, dragged off to one side, like the trail of a Very light in the dark.

After the do, the, um, interview .

.

the officer asks me, not unkindly, I must say, "So how do you chaps, "chaps like you and the captain, know one another?" So I told him.

Not my words, something somebody said to me once.

"A certain liquidity of the eye.

" That's how HE knew.

My eyes are bad, mind you.

Too bad for shooting Prussians at any rate, so I was shunted onto hospital work.

"Cushy", says Sam.

"That's a charabanc holiday, Perce.

"You always wanted to see France, didn't you?" I remember my first day in resus - the resuscitation tent.

That's where they take the dying or the nearly dying and the shocked ones.

There's heated beds to put some life back into them, and transfusions.

Our guns were going hell for leather.

The sky was all lit up - powdery, green.

Horrible green.

Like the air was sick.

Star shells, Verys, dumps going up.

And then the ambulances come in and we have to ferry them in, the ones that can't walk.

And they've got these labels on them that tell you what's wrong with them.

Like left luggage.

Have you ever carried a stretcher? Bloody horrible.

You feel like your arms are going to pop out of their sockets.

Some chaps can get very heavy.

Those that can walk into the hospital .

.

are covered in mud and salt sweat.

Caked in it.

All stiff and cracked, like moving statues, like those poor fuckers in Pompeii what got covered in lava.

I've seen photographs of them in the lending library.

And then, in the resus tent, a thing you'd never expect.

Silence.

Not a moan or a groan.

They're beyond all that, I suppose, most of them.

Smoking, breathing, just about.

Mind you, I've seen what a transfusion can do and it is a bloody miracle.

Lads with one foot in the grave and their pulses all thready, they have the transfusion, they're up, they're joking, they're having a smoke in a couple of hours.

I said to Captain Leslie, I said, "You wouldn't credit it, would you? "It's like It's like witchcraft.

" "Sounds about right", he says, "since we're in hell.

" But he says it with a smile and when he does that there's these creases in his cheeks like ripples in the sand.

"You're a credit to this unit, Percy", he says to me.

"You've all the tenderness of a woman.

" And he shakes my hand.

"It's Terrence," he says and I says, "What is?" He says, "Me.

"My name.

Terence Lesley.

"Do call me Terence.

"I can't bear all this formal rot.

" But he's an officer and it don't seem right, so, "I'll stick to Captain Leslie," I say, "if it's all the same.

" He just smiles again and shrugs.

And his eyelashes are long.

Long and blonde.

I can't see much of his hair cos it's under his cap, but then one day I'm bringing in a stretcher .

.

and he takes his hat off and, just like that, his hair tumbles out.

Yellow as corn.

And I must have stared because he grins at me and pushes his hair out of his eyes and says, "Come along, Perce, stir your stumps.

" But I don't move.

And just for a bit Well, like I say, held just a just a moment too long.

Douglas Fairbanks over there will give me a wink in a minute.

There you go.

HE SIGHS KNOWINGLY I've always been a skinny bugger, me.

Thin as a whip, Mother says.

Father was the same.

Mother always had a bit more beef on her after she had Albert and me, and there was one before us.

A boy.

But he died.

He was called Percy, an' all.

Poison berries.

Never think a thing like that can happen, but it does.

I can remember Mother showing me the pictures in the medicine book, all shiny and glossy pictures like Jesus in the book at Sunday School.

And little Percy had grabbed a handful of these berries and .

.

that was that.

Box, I think, the berries.

Black, like little bullets.

Like liquorice sweeties.

Maybe that's what little Percy thought they was.

Anyway, they done for him and then, a year or so after that, along comes I and they call me Percy, too.

A bit odd, some might say, a bit morbid, but Mother always said that she could see him in me.

And she looks so funny when she says that to me .

.

and she looks so sad.

But I don't think it's just because of little Percy because there was another time she looked at me the same way.

It was freezing, I remember that.

We was waiting for a train.

Dad had some business in Reading, I forget what it was.

We were to come with and make a day of it.

I was 15, thereabouts.

Albert was 12.

I'd been dispatched in search of tea and buns.

They all sat in the waiting room, steam coming off them like wet dogs.

Anyway, I'm on my way to the refreshments and there's a commotion, so I think, "Oh, the train must be coming in," so I say to the girl behind the tea stall, pretty girl I remember with bows in her hair, I ask her to get a shift on.

She says, "What's the hurry? The Reading train isn't in for another "quarter of an hour.

" So I think, "What's all the fuss about, then?" And then I see it ahead of me on the platform.

Policemen, at least I think they're policemen, but then I look properly and they're not, they're from the jail.

Dark uniforms, little hats with shiny brims.

And between them, well, aa prisoner .

.

waiting to be taken away, I suppose.

And it's not the first time I've seen as such.

I used to see them a lot, poor bastards, shuffling along in their chains and the arrows on their clothes.

And it's rough clobber, like to make you itch, worse than this.

So, "Why are all these folk whispering and pointing?" I wonder.

So I look at the chap in the chains and he's a big chap, sort of like a big bear of a fella.

With a big slack, pouchy face.

Fat-ish, except it's all sunk in now, and his hair, which was most likely black as your hat is now shot through with grey.

And he looks wretched.

As well he might.

There's rain dripping off his hair and down the creases in his big face.

And then I realise, it's not just rain, he's bloody crying.

And then he looks at me.

And there it was.

In that moment .

.

a certain liquidity of the eye.

And then he looks back down at his boots and it's as if the whole world has come tumbling down around him.

I stand there.

And I think, "He knows me.

"He knows me for what I am.

"He can see it in me.

" And I start to shake.

And it's not from the cold, it's shame.

And fear and .

.

terror.

And someone starts laughing.

And there's a little girl and she's wandered close to the prisoner.

She's got a little wooden horse on a dirty bit of string.

And then her mother goes up and drags the girl away from the man as if he were like to eat her up.

And then I hear it, a name.

Whispered behind fancy gloves and November hands what are stiff with cold.

"It's him, isn't it?" And suddenly Dad's beside me and he's gripping my arm and he says, "You all right, Perce?" And he's proper worried.

And there's a sort of ringing noise in my ear and I feel for a moment like I might faint, but then this chap goes straight up to the prisoner on the platform and he He spits in his face.

And Dad looked shocked.

And just then, the train comes puffing into the station, steam everywhere.

And I look back to the prisoner, but he's covered now in a great big cloud of steam.

Dad picks up the tea and the buns and he gets us into the carriage.

It smells of damp wool and musty, like church, and there's little beads of rain on the window, the open window.

And Mum pulls down the leather strap and the sound sort of .

.

snaps me out of it.

"What was all that fuss about there, Clem?" And Dad sups at his tea and it hangs in little drops from the ends of his Kitchener 'tashe.

"You won't believe it," he says.

"Out there on the platform, waiting to be taken to prison" "Who?" pipes up Albert.

And he looks at us and he shakes his head in wonder.

"Oscar Wilde!" he says.

And then Mum looks at me.

Tender, like I've never had the nerve.

That's the thing, I suppose.

A notion of getting in trouble or being a bother I could always imagine Mother's face if she found out I'd been up to things.

And I couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear to disappoint, so I didn't, I didn't do anything about it.

Not even a tuppeny wank with Sam or nothing.

I kept my own counsel, as they say.

Also, there was a girl who was sweet on me.

Annie.

And that sort of stopped people asking, I suppose.

We courted for a long while, but she got fed up because I never asked her to marry me.

I took on like Annie had broke my heart and then, what with one thing or another and then the war, it sort of, somehow, I got away with it.

A lot of questions, of course.

Especially when all us Tommies were billeted together for the first time.

"You married?" "No.

" "You got a girl?" "Well, I used to.

" And then one day, in Amiens, there was a sort of lull.

Hot as hell it was.

Not what you think.

People think of all that mud and rain, but we was there the live long year and sometimes it was hot and parched.

Fucking flies everywhere.

Blue and green bellies on them.

Fat.

Great clouds of them because of the dead bodies.

And Captain Leslie comes up to me and he slaps me on the shoulder and he says, "Come along, Perce, we're going hunting.

" And I say, "What?" He says, "Butterflies", because we're camped on this sort of downland.

And there's marigolds and poppies all over, little splashes of colour.

I can still taste the dust.

Chalky in your mouth and your hair and .

.

on the Dunlop tyres like white paint, because Terrence had only gone and got us bicycles, the silly bugger.

And it was only for a few hours but you could forget, you know, for a bit, everything that was going on.

And we came to this sort of lake.

It was a crater hole, I suppose, and the water was glass green and clear like a perfume bottle.

And Terence, he starts hollering and rattling the bike down to the water and he pulls off all his clothes and in he goes.

I follows, and then we go splashing about in our birthday suits.

And he's brick red from the sunshine, but not where his shirt's been, so he's got this sort of red face and arms, and the rest of him is He's like a ghost.

And after we've swum about, we just lie in the grass and fall asleep.

You can hear the buzz of the flies, but they are way off and some of the ones that are closer are butterflies, so that's all right, and I just .

.

lie there and I watch Terence sleeping and .

.

his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

And his hair is golden.

And the line of his jaw is just sort of .

.

perfect.

Like a draughtsman's drawn it.

Like I'd drawn it.

And his lips are dark and full and they're like bramble.

And all I want to do is bend down and And he opens his eyes .

.

and squints.

And he lifts his hand to cover them so he can see better.

And he says, "We'd best be getting back.

" We all had on us the stench of death.

The bread we ate, the stagnant water, everything we touched had a rotten smell.

But that day, everything was OK.

It was bright.

And it was pure, you see? And nobody had seen, had they? I've done my bit.

The officer mentioned that.

Exemplary service.

When he took me aside for a quiet word.

And of course, what had Terence and me What had the Captain and me .

.

got up to? Sweet FA.

But someone had seen us and .

.

they thought, "Hello, what's going on here?" And it's bad for morale and all of that, so I was to be sent elsewhere.

And, of course, I didn't get to see the Captain, did I? Because he'd been transferred, too.

I was packed onto this carriage .

.

sweat and tobacco smelling and fellas pushing up against you and shoving for room, and the train gives a great big lurch and then it starts off.

I just sit down on the floor and pull me cap over me eyes and drift off.

I don't know how much time has passed, but I wake up and it's dark outside.

And the train's pulling into a station and in the carriage it's just these little night lights on - bluey.

They make everyone look three-parts dead.

And the train pulls into the station and it's going slow, like, puffing, like some of them boys in the resus tent.

And then, I do see him.

Terence.

He's out the window, on the platform.

Grey coat, hair tucked under his cap, neat.

And he's talking to someone.

And they must have made him laugh cos there's those little lines in his cheeks again.

But he don't see me.

So I push through the carriage past the other fellas and it's not easy now cos most have dropped off and I trip over some poor bugger and he curses me, but I make it to the window and I pull down the sash .

.

and the air outside is warm.

And all I want to do is wave.

But, of course, what can I say? Um "So long, Captain Leslie?" "So long, Perce.

" But then he does see me.

He glances over, but he's still talking to his pal and just then the train lurches forward.

The brakes go on and the blue lights go out and just like that, pitch-black.

And all the other fellas in the carriage start groaning and someone says, "Oh, here we fucking go," but all I can feel is my heart beating and the air.

And the darkness pressing against the window and my hand gripping the window ledge.

And then someone takes my hand.

Someone outside on the platform.

And it's Terence.

And he takes my hand and he just .

.

lifts it to his lips and he kisses it.

There's no train then, there's no troops, there's no war.

There's just his bramble lips pressed against the tips of my fingers .

.

and all the hair on my neck goes up on end.

And then the train lurches forward and he's let go of my hand and all the blue lights go on, and Outside there's nothing but steam.

Steam and darkness.

Next Episode >

Queers. Episode Scripts | More Television Show Episode Scripts

Queers. s01e02 Episode Script

A Grand Day Out

There's a vegetarian restaurant round the corner.

You know, just round A couple of streets from here.

Does completely veggie.

I had a falafel.

It was nice.

It was OK.

Did you see the news on telly last night? No, just wondered.

There were some bits in the papers, I checked in WH Smiths.

Tiny, you know, but that's not what I'm So, you didn't see News at Ten, no? No.

Ah, shit.

Oh, well.

Two fellas over there.

Can you believe they voted no? Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it.

Yeah, well, not No, I know, but 18.

You know, it's almost worse than if they'd kept it at 21.

There would be some honesty in that.

We hate you and, you know, piss off.

At least that would have been consistent but, yeah, we'll make you slightly more equal.

Yeah, well, big wow! Of course it's better, I know that, of course it is.

But, well, it's just It's 1994! You know, Jesus! That's what this fella said last night.

He said it was good and that things were changing but it just makes you I don't want to be tolerated, you know? I've got a bit of falafel in me teeth.

It's impressive when you see it.

The House of Commons.

Have you been? It's bigger than it looks on telly.

I just come down on my own.

I wasn't planning to.

I hadn't thought of it, really.

I mean, I knew the vote was coming up, the reading of the bill.

I've been following it, but Then it was on the front page that morning that Derek Jarman had died and, erm You know, not like it was a sign or anything, I don't believe in all that, but I just thought "Sod it.

I should go.

" You know, show them that we count.

You know, we do exist.

It does matter, the things they're talking about, so I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything.

I just knew he was important, Jarman.

I've seen his version of The Tempest.

It was the first thing I saw at the arthouse cinema back home.

I never even knew they were a thing.

And I taped Blue off Channel 4 a couple of months back.

I haven't watched it yet.

That's been the best thing about sixth form, is discovering things like that.

No-one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that.

Morons.

There was this lad in my year, Darren Hardcastle.

Daz.

All he'd talk about was wanking.

You know, he was obsessed.

It's all he went on about.

And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people.

Wanking or punching.

And I used to think, "This is what prison must be like.

"This is like1984.

" I couldn't wait to leave.

I ran from that place.

Well, metaphorically.

Well, literally.

They arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.

I hated it.

We were outside for hours last night, shifting around, trying to keep warm.

Most people were in groups, actually.

I don't know if they were friends or from, you know, Stonewall, that kind of thing.

There were some banners and signs and people had candles.

You needed candles because of how bloody cold it was, I'm telling you.

Flipping heck! And there was a weird mix of excitement because of what it was and boredom because it took ages.

And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there.

I saw him looking.

Caught his eye.

Looked back.

He was You know, he was lovely.

I can be a bit shy.

And then finally someone come out, must have said it had been done, whatever time it was, late, come out of the House of Commons.

I couldn't see who they were and then you heard everyone starting to boo and you think, "Oh" You know, because we'd been there for so long because Well, I don't know how many people there were, but enough.

You know, 200.

Enough for it to feel like You know, because I'm used to being on my own.

I don't know anyone else who's gay.

And last night, there were loads of us, and we're nice, you know, I was looking round and I was thinking, "These are nice people.

" And so you start to think, well, of course they'll vote the right way.

Why wouldn't they? What would be the point in not? You start getting carried away with reason.

And I know you shouldn't do that.

And so this bloke come out and he must have said they voted 18 and everyone started to boo cos I think we had all convinced ourselves it was going to be 16, you know, it was going to be equal, so it was like a It was like a kick in the teeth.

And then we all sort of surged towards the Commons, towards the doors he had come out of.

It just happened and police were there, a couple on horses, that kind of thing and And people are chanting and shouting and just sort of, you know, pissed off, you know, and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think, just for a moment, "Is this?" Because a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.

Yeah, but it was nothing really, and then someone shouted, "Let's go to Downing Street," and so we all marched up there and there was some shouting outside the gates for a bit and then we all went up to Trafalgar Square and a group of people started sitting in the road to block the traffic and Well, you go along with it, but I did feel a bit You know, self-conscious, I suppose.

You know, but also, like You know, because I was pissed off, too, and the police were getting a bit Well, not mardy but It was late.

I think we could all tell it had run out of steam but we were angry.

That's the point.

And so what do you do? So we did that for, you know .

.

ten minutes.

Then everyone went home.

And then you read this morning that there were scuffles between police and a minority out to cause trouble.

And there was no minority out to cause trouble, it was sopiddly.

There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting and that's all.

But to read the papers, the bit there is, you'd think it was a kind of riot.

That's kind of interesting, the distortion.

I've never been a part of something that's been reported before.

We were all just fed up.

And so I'd missed my train by this point and this fella, Marcus, that I'd been sitting in the road with, he asked if I wanted to go back to his and I thought Well, you know, but what do you do? I had nowhere to go, and so I did.

That's his name, Marcus.

Of course it is, sorry.

"Mar-cous".

We went back to his, his flat, and it was You know, I mean, it was fine.

It was a bit Not It was OK.

I think I'd thought, and I mean, this is stupid, I know it is, but I think I'd thought people in London London is just a place, isn't it? Like any other.

I suppose you think, London You know, I don't mean to sound snobby.

It's not snobby.

I'm not a snob.

My mate Sean is proper bourgeois, though he'd have you believe he's working class because his dad, I don't know, once drained a radiator or something, but I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps on Sunday watching Bullseye, so I'm not .

.

you know, posh.

Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus, and I told him I was a student and he said he worked for the BBC in accounts, so that's interesting, isn't it? Kind of.

And I'd said from the start that I just needed a place to stay until I could get a train home in the morning and he said that was OK.

I was giving off the right vibes, I think, so Yeah, it was cool.

He's a lot older than me.

He's 30, but he was You know, nice.

He made us some toast and put the heat on, so it was fine.

He had this jam that's made without any sugar.

And we talked a bit.

He said he'd been on a few marches and things.

You know, not just gay, but other stuff.

Poll tax, and You know, so it was interesting.

We talked about last night and called them bastards and put the What is it? Put the world to rights.

And then he said, "Well, at least that means you're legal now.

" You know, because I'm 18.

I mean, I'm actually 17 but I'd told him I was 18 because I thought 17 sounded a bit young.

That's stupid, isn't it? And I think when he said that, I thought "Right" You know? I just kind of laughed it off and then he said he should go to bed and he went to get some bedding for me for the sofa and I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not, but I mean Well, I'm not not a virgin.

But when he came back in the living room with the bedding .

.

he was starkers and I thought "Blimey!" You know, but then I thought, maybe that's just what he does.

Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.

It never occurred to me that was a thing you could do until I stopped round his.

Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his.

But anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa and he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me.

The duvet didn't have a cover on it.

The things that go through your head! You know, I thought, "Mum would never give someone a duvet "without a cover on it.

" So then, he was there You know, "Hello, boys!" So I'm kind of And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head, just softly, and that was actually quite nice.

That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I'm not an idiot, I knew what Well, you know, cards were on the table, but I thought, he's letting me stay over and he's not Well, he's quite nice, you know, looking, I mean.

He's all right.

He's not Kristian Schmidt, but So I put him in my mouth.

And that seemed to go down well.

And then a minute or two later he stood me up and he kissed me and I thought, "Right, I've got to decide now, "you know, if I'm not up for this, "I've kind of got to say something now "because you don't want to be rude.

" But I didn't say anything and so he led me through into his bedroom and he said, "Is this all right?" And genuinely, for a split second, I thought he was asking about his room, and I did think, "Well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock.

" But he had my top off by that point and I felt kind of separate to it, like I was watching myself, you know, like Brecht - verfremdungseffekt.

And I was kind of talking to myself, saying, "Is this all right? Is this OK?" You know, keeping calm.

In my head, not No, I think that might have put him off.

But it was just nice not to be rushed because I suppose everything I've done up till now has been at parties with lads from college who Well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.

I say lads, it makes it sound like there's hundreds of them, there's not, believe me, really just me and Well, just me and Jamie Flynn, I suppose.

And Sean.

We Not, not regularly, you know, not If he's drunk and in the right mood, and I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time, but Well, it's an art more than it is a science and you've either got one eye on the door or worse, you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood or after decides it didn't happen.

I don't mean nasty, but just So it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything - you know, with an accountant! I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest, but Well, he didn't You know, he was nice, patient.

He kept talking to me and checking I was OK.

I almost wished he wouldn't.

I almost wanted him to just go for it.

Almost.

And I think, weirdly, and this feels weird now I come to think about it, but I think because I didn't madly fancy him, it meant I could relax a bit more.

It didn't seem as important as it might have done.

I could just do what he told me and weirdly that was kind of easier.

I think I mean, it wasn't easy really, but While we were doing it I can't believe I'm telling you all this.

I had a real coffee earlier.

I think it's kicking in.

There was a moment where I was thinking, "Two hours ago I was outside Parliament "and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this," and that made me laugh, and that turned him on because I think he thought it meant I was getting into it, and I was getting into it, but not because of Not just because of him.

I was thinking about all the tossers who'd opposed it, opposed me, and I was thinking, "If you could fucking see me now.

" You know, fucking And that felt great.

Oh, I felt great.

You know, who'd have predicted I'd spent my first time thinking about Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn.

I doubt anyone's ever thought about them while they're doing it before, including the people they're doing it with, if they do ever do it, the desiccated twats.

I wasn't dwelling on them.

I'm not a pervert.

But it did give it a A frisson.

HE CLEARS HIS THROA I've never said frisson before.

I've only ever seen it written down.

That's one of those words, you know, like hyperbole.

And then, after, he turned the light off and he held me while he fell asleep and .

.

all I could think was .

.

"I hope Mum and Dad weren't watching the TV news," because At one point, when we surged towards the doors of the Commons, that's when I'd seen the cameras.

They had these big lights on the top of them, the cameras.

You know, like spotlights, because it was dark, obviously.

I'd been trying to stay behind this big bloke in front of me so I wouldn't be seen, but he moved out of the way just at the same moment that one of them swung round and I know it got me full in the face.

If that's been on the News at Ten, I'm dead.

So that's why I wondered if you'd seen it.

Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.

I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus.

I was thinking, "He could get in trouble for this," but But then I thought, "Yeah, but who's going to say anything?" I mean, who is? Who really cares? Quite dry, aren't they, falafels? My friend Elisa, she's a vegetarian.

I mean, not just a vegetarian, she's quite fussy as well, you know, fries everything in water.

She's got this Futon? No, tofu, instead of chicken.

Have you tried it? I had some once.

I wouldn't go mad.

It's not really a substitute.

He's got his hand on his leg now.

Those two blokes.

It's just nice to see.

You know, Nottingham, there's nothing.

Gatsby's, MGM the first Monday of every month.

But, here Well, it's not lunchtime yet.

My two hopes are that there won't be much coverage of it and that's a good bet, and that it won't be on at all, or that they will only show one or two seconds so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it, or that Mum and Dad weren't watching last night.

Or that they were watching and I was on it but they didn't see me because they won't be looking for me.

They won't be expecting me to be on it.

They'll think I stayed around Sean's last night.

I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it, Sean.

I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.

You know, it was good fun.

It's funny, isn't it? Because if they'd said yes, if they had made it 16 .

.

then I'd have gone straight home.

< Previous EpisodeNext Episode >

Queers. s01e02 Episode Script

A Grand Day Out

There's a vegetarian restaurant round the corner.

You know, just round A couple of streets from here.

Does completely veggie.

I had a falafel.

It was nice.

It was OK.

Did you see the news on telly last night? No, just wondered.

There were some bits in the papers, I checked in WH Smiths.

Tiny, you know, but that's not what I'm So, you didn't see News at Ten, no? No.

Ah, shit.

Oh, well.

Two fellas over there.

Can you believe they voted no? Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it.

Yeah, well, not No, I know, but 18.

You know, it's almost worse than if they'd kept it at 21.

There would be some honesty in that.

We hate you and, you know, piss off.

At least that would have been consistent but, yeah, we'll make you slightly more equal.

Yeah, well, big wow! Of course it's better, I know that, of course it is.

But, well, it's just It's 1994! You know, Jesus! That's what this fella said last night.

He said it was good and that things were changing but it just makes you I don't want to be tolerated, you know? I've got a bit of falafel in me teeth.

It's impressive when you see it.

The House of Commons.

Have you been? It's bigger than it looks on telly.

I just come down on my own.

I wasn't planning to.

I hadn't thought of it, really.

I mean, I knew the vote was coming up, the reading of the bill.

I've been following it, but Then it was on the front page that morning that Derek Jarman had died and, erm You know, not like it was a sign or anything, I don't believe in all that, but I just thought "Sod it.

I should go.

" You know, show them that we count.

You know, we do exist.

It does matter, the things they're talking about, so I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything.

I just knew he was important, Jarman.

I've seen his version of The Tempest.

It was the first thing I saw at the arthouse cinema back home.

I never even knew they were a thing.

And I taped Blue off Channel 4 a couple of months back.

I haven't watched it yet.

That's been the best thing about sixth form, is discovering things like that.

No-one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that.

Morons.

There was this lad in my year, Darren Hardcastle.

Daz.

All he'd talk about was wanking.

You know, he was obsessed.

It's all he went on about.

And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people.

Wanking or punching.

And I used to think, "This is what prison must be like.

"This is like1984.

" I couldn't wait to leave.

I ran from that place.

Well, metaphorically.

Well, literally.

They arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.

I hated it.

We were outside for hours last night, shifting around, trying to keep warm.

Most people were in groups, actually.

I don't know if they were friends or from, you know, Stonewall, that kind of thing.

There were some banners and signs and people had candles.

You needed candles because of how bloody cold it was, I'm telling you.

Flipping heck! And there was a weird mix of excitement because of what it was and boredom because it took ages.

And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there.

I saw him looking.

Caught his eye.

Looked back.

He was You know, he was lovely.

I can be a bit shy.

And then finally someone come out, must have said it had been done, whatever time it was, late, come out of the House of Commons.

I couldn't see who they were and then you heard everyone starting to boo and you think, "Oh" You know, because we'd been there for so long because Well, I don't know how many people there were, but enough.

You know, 200.

Enough for it to feel like You know, because I'm used to being on my own.

I don't know anyone else who's gay.

And last night, there were loads of us, and we're nice, you know, I was looking round and I was thinking, "These are nice people.

" And so you start to think, well, of course they'll vote the right way.

Why wouldn't they? What would be the point in not? You start getting carried away with reason.

And I know you shouldn't do that.

And so this bloke come out and he must have said they voted 18 and everyone started to boo cos I think we had all convinced ourselves it was going to be 16, you know, it was going to be equal, so it was like a It was like a kick in the teeth.

And then we all sort of surged towards the Commons, towards the doors he had come out of.

It just happened and police were there, a couple on horses, that kind of thing and And people are chanting and shouting and just sort of, you know, pissed off, you know, and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think, just for a moment, "Is this?" Because a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.

Yeah, but it was nothing really, and then someone shouted, "Let's go to Downing Street," and so we all marched up there and there was some shouting outside the gates for a bit and then we all went up to Trafalgar Square and a group of people started sitting in the road to block the traffic and Well, you go along with it, but I did feel a bit You know, self-conscious, I suppose.

You know, but also, like You know, because I was pissed off, too, and the police were getting a bit Well, not mardy but It was late.

I think we could all tell it had run out of steam but we were angry.

That's the point.

And so what do you do? So we did that for, you know .

.

ten minutes.

Then everyone went home.

And then you read this morning that there were scuffles between police and a minority out to cause trouble.

And there was no minority out to cause trouble, it was sopiddly.

There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting and that's all.

But to read the papers, the bit there is, you'd think it was a kind of riot.

That's kind of interesting, the distortion.

I've never been a part of something that's been reported before.

We were all just fed up.

And so I'd missed my train by this point and this fella, Marcus, that I'd been sitting in the road with, he asked if I wanted to go back to his and I thought Well, you know, but what do you do? I had nowhere to go, and so I did.

That's his name, Marcus.

Of course it is, sorry.

"Mar-cous".

We went back to his, his flat, and it was You know, I mean, it was fine.

It was a bit Not It was OK.

I think I'd thought, and I mean, this is stupid, I know it is, but I think I'd thought people in London London is just a place, isn't it? Like any other.

I suppose you think, London You know, I don't mean to sound snobby.

It's not snobby.

I'm not a snob.

My mate Sean is proper bourgeois, though he'd have you believe he's working class because his dad, I don't know, once drained a radiator or something, but I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps on Sunday watching Bullseye, so I'm not .

.

you know, posh.

Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus, and I told him I was a student and he said he worked for the BBC in accounts, so that's interesting, isn't it? Kind of.

And I'd said from the start that I just needed a place to stay until I could get a train home in the morning and he said that was OK.

I was giving off the right vibes, I think, so Yeah, it was cool.

He's a lot older than me.

He's 30, but he was You know, nice.

He made us some toast and put the heat on, so it was fine.

He had this jam that's made without any sugar.

And we talked a bit.

He said he'd been on a few marches and things.

You know, not just gay, but other stuff.

Poll tax, and You know, so it was interesting.

We talked about last night and called them bastards and put the What is it? Put the world to rights.

And then he said, "Well, at least that means you're legal now.

" You know, because I'm 18.

I mean, I'm actually 17 but I'd told him I was 18 because I thought 17 sounded a bit young.

That's stupid, isn't it? And I think when he said that, I thought "Right" You know? I just kind of laughed it off and then he said he should go to bed and he went to get some bedding for me for the sofa and I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not, but I mean Well, I'm not not a virgin.

But when he came back in the living room with the bedding .

.

he was starkers and I thought "Blimey!" You know, but then I thought, maybe that's just what he does.

Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.

It never occurred to me that was a thing you could do until I stopped round his.

Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his.

But anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa and he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me.

The duvet didn't have a cover on it.

The things that go through your head! You know, I thought, "Mum would never give someone a duvet "without a cover on it.

" So then, he was there You know, "Hello, boys!" So I'm kind of And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head, just softly, and that was actually quite nice.

That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I'm not an idiot, I knew what Well, you know, cards were on the table, but I thought, he's letting me stay over and he's not Well, he's quite nice, you know, looking, I mean.

He's all right.

He's not Kristian Schmidt, but So I put him in my mouth.

And that seemed to go down well.

And then a minute or two later he stood me up and he kissed me and I thought, "Right, I've got to decide now, "you know, if I'm not up for this, "I've kind of got to say something now "because you don't want to be rude.

" But I didn't say anything and so he led me through into his bedroom and he said, "Is this all right?" And genuinely, for a split second, I thought he was asking about his room, and I did think, "Well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock.

" But he had my top off by that point and I felt kind of separate to it, like I was watching myself, you know, like Brecht - verfremdungseffekt.

And I was kind of talking to myself, saying, "Is this all right? Is this OK?" You know, keeping calm.

In my head, not No, I think that might have put him off.

But it was just nice not to be rushed because I suppose everything I've done up till now has been at parties with lads from college who Well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.

I say lads, it makes it sound like there's hundreds of them, there's not, believe me, really just me and Well, just me and Jamie Flynn, I suppose.

And Sean.

We Not, not regularly, you know, not If he's drunk and in the right mood, and I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time, but Well, it's an art more than it is a science and you've either got one eye on the door or worse, you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood or after decides it didn't happen.

I don't mean nasty, but just So it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything - you know, with an accountant! I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest, but Well, he didn't You know, he was nice, patient.

He kept talking to me and checking I was OK.

I almost wished he wouldn't.

I almost wanted him to just go for it.

Almost.

And I think, weirdly, and this feels weird now I come to think about it, but I think because I didn't madly fancy him, it meant I could relax a bit more.

It didn't seem as important as it might have done.

I could just do what he told me and weirdly that was kind of easier.

I think I mean, it wasn't easy really, but While we were doing it I can't believe I'm telling you all this.

I had a real coffee earlier.

I think it's kicking in.

There was a moment where I was thinking, "Two hours ago I was outside Parliament "and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this," and that made me laugh, and that turned him on because I think he thought it meant I was getting into it, and I was getting into it, but not because of Not just because of him.

I was thinking about all the tossers who'd opposed it, opposed me, and I was thinking, "If you could fucking see me now.

" You know, fucking And that felt great.

Oh, I felt great.

You know, who'd have predicted I'd spent my first time thinking about Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn.

I doubt anyone's ever thought about them while they're doing it before, including the people they're doing it with, if they do ever do it, the desiccated twats.

I wasn't dwelling on them.

I'm not a pervert.

But it did give it a A frisson.

HE CLEARS HIS THROA I've never said frisson before.

I've only ever seen it written down.

That's one of those words, you know, like hyperbole.

And then, after, he turned the light off and he held me while he fell asleep and .

.

all I could think was .

.

"I hope Mum and Dad weren't watching the TV news," because At one point, when we surged towards the doors of the Commons, that's when I'd seen the cameras.

They had these big lights on the top of them, the cameras.

You know, like spotlights, because it was dark, obviously.

I'd been trying to stay behind this big bloke in front of me so I wouldn't be seen, but he moved out of the way just at the same moment that one of them swung round and I know it got me full in the face.

If that's been on the News at Ten, I'm dead.

So that's why I wondered if you'd seen it.

Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.

I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus.

I was thinking, "He could get in trouble for this," but But then I thought, "Yeah, but who's going to say anything?" I mean, who is? Who really cares? Quite dry, aren't they, falafels? My friend Elisa, she's a vegetarian.

I mean, not just a vegetarian, she's quite fussy as well, you know, fries everything in water.

She's got this Futon? No, tofu, instead of chicken.

Have you tried it? I had some once.

I wouldn't go mad.

It's not really a substitute.

He's got his hand on his leg now.

Those two blokes.

It's just nice to see.

You know, Nottingham, there's nothing.

Gatsby's, MGM the first Monday of every month.

But, here Well, it's not lunchtime yet.

My two hopes are that there won't be much coverage of it and that's a good bet, and that it won't be on at all, or that they will only show one or two seconds so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it, or that Mum and Dad weren't watching last night.

Or that they were watching and I was on it but they didn't see me because they won't be looking for me.

They won't be expecting me to be on it.

They'll think I stayed around Sean's last night.

I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it, Sean.

I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.

You know, it was good fun.

It's funny, isn't it? Because if they'd said yes, if they had made it 16 .

.

then I'd have gone straight home.

< Previous EpisodeNext Episode >

Queers 松散的结构之下，其实是编剧有意为 LGBTQ 群体与群体之外的其他人找到了一种新的联系。将视角放到更高的地位，看似 8 集毫不相干的不同主角的碎碎念，实际讲述了在各个重大历史事件之中，LGBTQ 群体所扮演的角色，尤其是影响了世界格局的一战二战，他们所冀盼的和平，和普通人无异，他们的付出，也不少于你和我。

1st Episode
月台上的男人

时间点放在一战背影的第一集无论是选角还是故事编排，我个人都觉得是8集里质量最高的。故事编排工整，用主人公 Perce 人生中的两次月台之上的所见所闻，一方面勾画出了历史上著名的王尔德事件，同时也完成对自己的救赎。

本喵贡献了超出以往的高水平表演，文弱书生的气质也着着实实适合代入这种看似柔弱、实际倔强的角色。初始颇为碍眼的浓密的胡子 mustache 随着独白的深入，竟然也和角色浑然一体了。

用王尔德事件作为开篇绝不是偶然，因为事件不仅仅将 LGBT 群体由黑暗阴影之中第一次推向耀眼白光之下，更是人类性解放运动的开端。

“对于这种爱的名字，本世纪无人敢于提及。然而它是一名年长男子对于一名年轻男子所产生的极其伟大的感情，就像大卫和乔纳森，就像柏拉图哲学理论的基础，就像你从米开朗琪罗和莎士比亚的作品中所发现的精神。它是深刻的精神之爱，既纯洁又完美。”

虽然没有任何场景，但本喵极富感染力的音调、恰到好处的表情克制和所述故事的细腻，让整个独白画面感非常强，犹如情景重现，细枝末叶都看得清清楚楚，甚至不知不觉在脑海里对王尔德的脸（未出镜）都有了一个更为具象的脸谱想像。

其中所描述的关于如何辨识同类，放之于任何男女之间的一见钟情，更是有异曲同工之妙。

“
It's always the eyes.
That's how you know.
A glance held just that a little bit too long, dragged off to the one side, like the trail of a very light in the dark.

眼神是最能辩明身份的。多停留一秒、旋即抽神而去的目光，就如黑暗中那白日焰火般明了，两人心照不宣。”

2nd Episode
出柜的好日子

A Great Day Out 讲述了英国 LGBT 史上突破性的一刻，1994 年英国国会同意将同性恋合法年龄下调到 18 岁双方同意的同性恋行为就不算犯法。本集 17 岁主角 Andrew 的扮演者是诺兰毁誉参半的新片 Dunkirk 的男主角 Fionn Whitehead，依然是借由普通人的口吻来讲述最激烈的革命。在独白中 Andrew 所说的那一句“仅仅被人忍受是不够的”刺穿了英国国会这一妥协的荒谬之处。

I don't want to be tolerated.

当然了，有进步总是好的。

3rd Episode
袖手旁观的愤怒

小狼的盛世美颜在第 3 集镇场，用一个演员自我读白来折射出 80 年代令人绝望的 AIDS 大爆发，AIDS 的爆发在当时被视作比癌症更为严重的洪水猛兽，但真正令人绝望的是政府对此的不作为。

其所扮演的演员 Phil 以扮演绝症患者为生，究竟在生命的最后一刻会怎么样的情绪，于个人可能更多的是会不会在痛苦中死去、死亡的过程会不会很快，又或者万一活了下来又会怎么样；但对于整个社会，可能更多的是对其不作为的愤怒。

4th Episode
想念爱丽丝

说到同性恋，同妻这个群体就不得不提及。这是一个涉及到互相伤害、利益、世俗、情与欲的范畴。无独有偶，BBC 最近也出了一个两集长度的《橘衫男子》，里面就有大量的关于同妻的描述。

你会觉得同妻所能获得的性生活很少，但实际并不然，真正将她们与快乐隔绝开来的是，是本来最能获得亲密的行为却在她们身上最大程度上烙下了伤痕，本来是除却巫山不是云的美好，却变成了冰冷身体的物理摩擦。

这种来自身边最亲密的人的打击，是最难痊愈的，有些人选择了忍气吞声，有些人选择了两败俱伤。

这一集所对应的则是 1954 年英国成为了一个专门委员会研究应该如何处理“同性恋犯罪与卖淫”，经过 62 次会议、听取 200 个以上团体和人人所作的证词、长达 3 年的激烈讨论和质证，委员会主席 John Wolfenden 在 1957 正式向英国政府提交报告称“同性恋不是一种疾病”以及“任何成年人之间、在相互允许的情况下、私下进行同性恋活动不应该被认为是犯罪”。

5th Episode
战争缅怀者

1967 年，英国英格兰及威尔士地区正式取消同性恋犯罪，规定年满 21 岁双方同意的同性恋行为不算犯罪。同样是将同性恋去罪名化，你可以将这一集和第二集做个对比，相对于现代小孩对人权追求的强烈坚持，老一辈的人当时的态度看起来要消极得多。

6th Episode
城市里最安全的一角

这一集带着浓浓的二战情结，大背影是 1941 年德国纳粹发起的对英国首都伦敦实施战略轰炸，这一事件在《他们最好的》和动画电影《伦敦一家人》都有着非常明显的体现。在更大的和平需求面前，LGBTQ 群体的参与感并不比寻常人要弱。

7th Episode
完美绅士

这是整个系列里的第二爱，讲述了一个无奈的蕾丝边儿骗炮的悲伤故事。我们权游里的铁姐儿 Gemma Whelan 在这里继续是汉气十足的铁T，将那种欲求亲密而不得的无奈演绎得淋漓尽致。若故事有一半属实，一根干蜡烛也能把男人可以做的事做完了，画面感太美我都不敢想了。

8th Episode
借来之物

这一集和第一集并列成为这个系列的最爱，因为我们亲爱的 Alan Cumming 说出了同性恋人那些细腻又温馨的细节，说到底，我们都是无可救药的浪漫主义者。而这一切得以温馨回忆的细节，都得益一个世纪以来前人不断地争取和努力之下达成的同性婚姻合法化（2013年英国）。

第一次相遇时，他闻起来有棉花糖和香皂的味道，一种合适得迷人的味道。